Autographs And Memories

One of the things that all liquor stores in L.A. have are autographed pictures. It’s their claim to fame. A Jackie Gleason used to but his beer from us kind of thing. I’ve seen all kinds of photos at all kinds of places when I pop in to buy cigarettes. I saw Johnny Depp at one and Burt Reynolds at another. It’s kind of cool in that way where you know you’d only see it in L.A. I never saw a single autographed picture an a store when I was in the Bay Area. That’s not entirely true. I did see an autographed poster of Jenna Jameson at the mechanics I used to go to. But I have a sneaking suspicion that She did stop in to have her oil changed (rim shot).

Now, I go to this liquor store right around the corner from where I live to buy smokes most of the time. So I’m in there today and for the first time I notice the autographed pictures they have. There are two to be precise.


The first one is of Soupy Sales and the second one is of Charo.


I really didn’t know how to react to that. Part of me felt like I needed to find a new place to buy cigarettes. I don’t want to shop at a place that has only been visited by these two celebs. Sales is dead… or if not his career is and you can find Charo working her coochy-coochy on the street corners on Friday nights.

Then I wonder why the owner doesn’t just fake some autographs and make up a grandiose story.

“Sure, Orson Welles used to come in here all the time. He buy all the wine in the place and take a shit over n the corn chip aisle. We let him do it because he didn’t have much and we felt sorry for him. I’ve got his poop in a jar if you want to see it.”

I’d be totally amazed. “That’s awesome, yes I want to see what Orson Welles scat looks like. I’ll even give you a buck.”

But alas, my little liquor store on the corner has to keep it honest. They keep the faded photos of c-level celebs up behind the counter.Maybe they have fond memories of The Love Boat. Maybe they were big fans of Hollywood Squares. The old school version, none of that Whoopie Goldberg shit.

Then I had a thought. My liquor store was keeping it real. Yeah man, that's what it is. So I bought my snacks and smokes with pride.

My liquor store.One of the few honest businesses in this crooked little town.