My sobriety date is the 27th of each month. I finally cleaned up on September 27th of 2004. This was after several false starts and a five-month period of sobriety after rehab and four day relapse from hell.
I appreciate my relapse, because it tough me that sobriety is my responsibility and it was a harsh reminder of what it’s like to be out there. In the four short days of my relapse, I went through everything I had done and felt in my 12 years of drinking and drugging. So it’s a good for me when I feel like giving up.
Anywho, I’ve been feeling a little nuts today. There are mitigating factors that are playing into it as well, but they are stronger because of the time of month. So what do I do about it?
I went walking, I went jogging, I bought comics, I did my grocery shopping, and I still feel antsy. I should go out again, but it feels pretty futile so I just sit around listening to music and fumbling with words.
It’s a real struggle to go out on days like this, I’m pretty glad that I forced myself to go out as much as I have.
So what do I do about it? I just let it take its course. It will fade usually in about a day or two. With my job situation being what it is, it may last a little longer. The twiddling thumbs waiting for the phone to ring gets a little unnerving. People call to check in and I nearly go ballistic because my hope is it’s the job.
I’m thinking at this point I’ve got about a 90% shot. Not a guarantee, but solid odds. It’s just about playing phone tag and getting that few minutes to see if things will work out. Check in, but don’t push. If it doesn’t work out, I’m back to square one. Thrilling. My bank account is starting to wheeze and sputter.
That’s life. Take it as it comes and play it as it lays. Time passes and moods change, but damn they are tough to get through sometimes.
No, the picture has no significance. I typed in, "feeling antsy" on Google images and this one popped up. Kinda odd.
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