21 And Still Going

Today is my 21st B-day, sort of. That is I have been clean and sober 21 months today. This is nothing monumental; it’s like turning 27 years old. No one really gives a shit. But I like to acknowledge these days; because it’s that much further along I have come.

My two-year anniversary will be neat, but (knock on wood) my 13th year anniversary will be the big celebration. I will have officially been sober longer than I had been drinking.


I wish I could sit here today and promise to all the people that care about me that I’ve beaten this thing. That I’ll never drink again. But I can’t do that. I’ve been in rooms where a person was clean and sober for 23 years and went back out. This is a one day at a time program and that’s how I treat it.

There is one thing that I can promise and it was Jason Mewes who got me onto it.

For those who don’t know Jason Mewes, he’s Jay from all the Kevin Smith films. On Mr. Smith’s blog, he has a wonderful and honest series called, “Me and my shadow”. It was about his entire relationship with Mewes and Mewes struggles with addiction. It is a real look at an outsider dealing with his friend’s descent and rebirth. I learned a lot about how others must have felt when dealing with me.

One of the last entries is a video Jason made and gave to Smith on Christmas after finally cleaning up. It’s honest and emotional and really is a man who has overcome several demons. Jason makes a promise and it’s the same promise that I make to all my friends, families and supporters out there.

I promise I will never lie about these things again. I have lied and cheated and made a bunch of empty promises that caused a lot of pain to a lot of people. It is not something that I want and it is something I will no longer do. I promise never to lie to you again.

True, it may be painful at times and scary for me to speak up. But I’ll do it.

I want to say thank you to everyone who has supported me through all of this and for those who have stepped away and cannot, I completely understand and respect your position.

Peace.