Tuesday, October 31, 2006

It's Halloween... Right?

A quick note. It's a funny thing about Hollywood and I mean the real Hollywood, not the mythic dream like town that society envisions.

In the real Hollywood, everyday is Halloween. It's a big night tonight and Sunset was crowded with partygoers as I was driving home around 10:30. The funny thing was no one really looked much different than the freaks I normally see prowling at this hour. There were more of them and a few had funny costumes, but most looked like your garden variety Hollywoodite. Or is it Hoolywoodian? Whack jobs with hair sticking in all directions and too much makeup on.

I'll need to go into the real city versus the myth sometime soon, it is more and more interesting the deeper I look at it, but for now you'll get nothing and like it.

Happy Halloween.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Chicken Nachos+5 Mile Jog=Bad News

I think I've boiled down to its essence with that formula.

I can't really make it clearer and I don't think you'd want me too. I know I don't.

So that's that.

Our Zombie World

It’s an interesting sociological view when you run a website that is geared towards daytime television viewers.

See, on the site we have some viewer participation sections. People can send in creative photos and artwork, or send in five pictures and a description about who you are as a person. Sure, whatever. What is interesting is the response. Everyone is, “weird or kind of crazy.” Those quotes indicate the way they describe themselves. They feel they are so original and offbeat, just a wacky fun original person, unlike anyone else. But they are all the same. There is the picture of them making a funny face and there is always a picture of their cat looking out the window as if it’s a true artistic expression.

“See how deep I am, I notice my cat pondering the universe and have caught it with a camera.”

I bet the cat is really saying, “Why the fuck am I a prisoner in this schmucks life. I used to roam the wild and fend for myself. Now I shit in a scented sandbox.”

Maybe I’m sounding bitter, but I feel that humanity has cheated itself out of really finding what is original in its life. People have taken what they think is original and creative, boxed it up and marketed it as individualism. A new form of the walking dead. The zombies who don’t know they are zombies.

Admittedly, these people are crucial to our society. They are a litmus test for true originality, but it also poses a problem. When someone really groundbreaking and original comes along, this person are usually pushed down and punished for it. If it doesn’t fit within the parameters of the group idea of originality then it’s alien and rejected. There are those that break through, but they are to few and too far between.

Listen, I am not one of these originals, I am more a part of the problem then the solution, but I’m aware of the problem so it’s a step in the right direction.

Really I just want people to stop sending pictures of their cats in. I think they are stupid and show no artistic merit. I give more credit to the fat girl that keeps sending in the photo of her Cheetos stained mouth smiling like an idiot with a two liter bottle of soda in her hand. Her message is simple, “I’m a fat chic who ain’t gonna stop. Pass the onion dip.”

She sends the picture once a week and my boss refuses to put it up on the site. She says it’s disturbing. It is, that’s what makes it so great, it’s real and encapsulates who we are today: Cheetos grinding, soda swilling, fat fucking zombies. Rock on humanity!

(Don’t take this as me feeling bad. I actually feel great and I love life right now. I just wanted to bitch a bit.)

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Return Of Stoneface

This is my third Emmy worthy apperance.


They are saving my fourth, the one that will rocket me to stardom, for sweeps. So keep your eyes peeled lightning bugs. This mad talent is goin' places, like the unemployment office.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Time Change=Bad Sign

Well, the show I’m working on has been moved to a new time slot. In the industry, this is a bad sign. Our ratings have never been that good, and this is one of those desperate attempts by the network to try and improve them. It very rarely works. What usually happens is the audience doesn’t follow the time change and the ratings sink even lower. It has worked on occasion, but very rarely. We’ll see.

So what does this mean for you humble narrator? Well, it could mean nothing, it could mean we’re cancelled in December, it could mean cancelled in May. I was banking on May so I could make friends and contacts to land me a gig next season, but who knows.

It’s funny how this works. It’s just the business I’m in. This show ends and off I go to find the next one. I think it’s a really good experience about living in the moment. I need to get all I can out of this now and enjoy it.

The future is always unpredictable and in the industry it is doubly so.

Stay tuned lightning bugs. This may take a wacky turn soon.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Just Droppin’ A Note

1. Sat in a VW tour bus and was pulled along with 18 other co-workers by the strongest man in the world.

2. Turned in a project that received a note that I didn’t agree with. I was pissed off and took it personally at first, then decided it was their show even though it was my project and made the necessary change. I was told one note is great news. Most projects are severely re-cut or dumped all together, so I should be happy. I’ll post my cut on the site in the near future.

3. I was asked to be in another comedy sketch. Due to union rules I can’t say anything, so I’m always just the guy sitting there with a Buster Keaton face while the host bounces around me acting like an idiot. This is the 4th one I’ve done and have been told they look for ways to use me. I’m flattered. Since I’m not a fan of my looks, I’ll just take it as a compliment. In my head I keep hearing the line from the Simpson’s, “I want T.V. ugly, not ugly ugly.” Which is a plus, right?

The Host is a lot cooler than I expected. She’s a comic book geek, which is always a plus, but off camera she’s very crude with her humor. She discussed the idea of letting her bush grow out and shaving the shows logo into it. I must have laughed for two minutes; it took me so off guard. We chat and have a good time playing off each other and her husband is a crack up. Good people are nice to come by. There are actually a lot of good people on the show, I’m just now starting to warm up to them and get in the groove. Hopefully we’ll make it a full season so I can get to know them better.

I also think one of the writers is flirting with me. I’ve lucked out in this case, since it is a woman and she is cute. She has stopped by the office out of the blue just to chit-chat and has started asking all of the questions about my back ground, relationship status, etcetera. She used to write on Will & Grace and is working on a sitcom idea, which I’ll ask more about soon and maybe get a chance to read some of her other projects. It could be fun to explore.

I’m going in today for my first body armor consultation. More on this as it develops.

I need to get over my poor self-image so I can live a little more. I’m moving in the direction I want and need to acknowledge that. I’m doing well, growing emotionally, getting in shape, saving money (for once), creating and have realistic goals. That’s more than a lot of people can say.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Walking With Purpose

So I was part of the AIDS Walk this morning with a group from work. I met a few interesting people.

The first was a group called Atheists United. I chatted with a couple of the members to see what a group like theirs does. It was exactly what you’d think. They meet and talk about how there is no God. But once a month they do have a free brunch. Apparently membership has been shrinking since the early 80’s. This is due to fewer recruits and other members dying off. Makes sense. They were nice, but not exactly the sharpest tools in the shed.

If you have pondered the way of the atheist, you can learn more at their web site: www.atheistsunited.org, or call them at 866-GODLESS. That’s the real phone number; swear to god, it says so right on the card the guy gave me.

Next I helped hold the banner up for the Latino Business Association. I found out that I don’t need to be a Latino to join. I just have to be willing to join. This kind of turned me off. If I’m going to be part of the LBA I want to know there is another Latino who’s got my back and not some pasty Irish guy who just wants to be invited to all the cool parties.

Then I met “The King”. This was an 80, year old homosexual who dresses up in a giant King outfit. It’s a real crazy lavish get up with feathers and a velvet cape, just insane. He said he does it because he had a friend who passed away from AIDS and never got the chance to go to Mardi Gras. The King dresses up and raises money for AIDS in honor of that friend. So guess how much this guy raised for this walk. $14,000! That’s some serious fund raising shit right there.

There were a few protesters who held signs that declared Homosexuality was a danger to out national security, something I never thought of and would be curious to hear the argument. I doubt they could get me to agree, but I find the thinking interesting. It’s like you find two things detestable, so you package them in a peanut butter cup of hate. Why rail against one thing when you can rail against two in the same sentence.

Here is mine: Stop cats from spreading country music!

Yeah, that one sucks.

We ending the walk by being greeted by transvestites who wanted to know if our boss was with us because they all think she’s great. They were disappointed to hear she wasn’t but were glad we were there to help out.

It was fun. I got to hang out with good people and get a six-mile walk out of it too. Plus I cured AIDS. Who knew it would be so easy.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Note Of Interest

I'm a person who suffers from kidney stones.

that means every so often I feel some pains in my side and lower back, then some time later I shoot a rock about the size of a small diamond out of my dick. It's fun. I recommend that everyone try it at least once.

Anyway, I had my first weight training session where we concentrated on the core yesterday. I've never really worked this area of my body before, but when I woke up today, I felt like my kidneys had shut down. The muscles in my lower back were so worked, my first though was I was working a brick through my kidneys.

So for those of you out there who have always wondered what core training is like, or the first stages of kidney stones are like, it's simple.

Core training feels like you're going into kidney failure or kidney failure feels like you've had a really good core workout.

It just depends on if you're a glass half empty or half full type of person.

Monday, October 09, 2006

T.V. Debut...Sort Of

Because I was on a game show as a child, this counts as my second television appearance, but my first network appearance.

Here I am being pushed around by my boss.


Sunday, October 08, 2006

Four This Time

Four things that caught my attention over the past three days.

The first two are quotes from work.

1. "Forget the dog, make it Christina Aguilera"- A producer shouting across the compound at work.

2. "So, tell me again why I'm paying for your friends to go to Disneyland?"- The second time this P.A. has had an issue with his girlfriend going to Disneyland. I'm beginning to wonder if it is actually drug code.

3. I saw Britney Spears and K. Fed in the drive through of Wendy's. What first caught my attention was a brand new Rolls Royce in the drive through. That is a sight that makes you check out who the hell is in a Rolls at a Wendy's. Then the Blonde pigtails in the passenger seat and the wigger behind the wheel helped seal the deal when I started taking a closer look. You can take the girl out of the trash, but you can't take the trash out of the girl. I myself was walking down to the highbrow eatery El Pollo Loco.

4. On my way back from The Crazy Chicken, I was stopped by a homeless guy asking for money. When I told him I had no cash he asked, "Could you get me some soap or deodorant?" I did take a moment to process this because a bum worried about his hygiene is worth taking a moment to consider. I then thought about my lunch beginning to coagulate and told him I couldn't help today, sorry.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Two Things

(If your Shea, skip #1)


So I decided to stop talking to my ex for now. I had a couple of dreams last week and when I mentioned some of the things to her they said, she told me they were accurate. Things like that don’t happen to me. I’ve never had dreams that relate to actual life, they have always linked more to what is going on in my subconscious, you know like a real dream.

This has caused some odd fear in me especially the second dream, which was incredibly sad, and I knew there was nothing I could do for her. She has to learn about herself in her own way. She’s always been a forgetful person and self -analysis has been a challenge for her. So if the second dream is as accurate as the first one was, she’s going to be bad news for anyone she’s involved with unless she makes a drastic shift soon.


Apparently my good looks and on screen charisma has captured the hearts of the producers at work. I will appear in yet another skit on the show. They asked for that same style of stunning performance I gave last time. I had to reach deep inside to convey the true emotion of a guy who didn’t give a shit.

I think this one will be on later in the month. My first appearance takes place Monday and I’ll post a Youtube link later that day for your viewing pleasure.

Fine, three things.


Also I cut a piece that the EP’s (executive producers) really liked. Supposedly one of them stopped by to thank and congratulate me on it, but I was off acting. It was another one of those, here’s a bunch of footage what can you do with it assignments. So I did all right and have been given permission to start looking at putting together my own projects so I can have more control over the footage and content of the piece. My boss titled me “The Predator”. I didn’t know if I was supposed to be offended or not when she told me it stands for Producer-Editor. So hey, that’s pretty fucking cool. Now all I need is one of those invisible camouflage suits and Schwarzenegger’s head on a stake.