Sunday, October 28, 2007

Just Sayin'

I’ve been on call all weekend. The call came in early Saturday about some top secret footage coming in and I need to be ready to come in. So it’s Sunday night and I’m still waiting. Never going to see a movie or going out with a friend or those things that I had planned. It’s my own fault. I should have just done it. Not worry about being able to get to work in a couple minutes. Everyone else lies in the valley or O.C., it taking a few extra minutes to trudge across town wouldn’t have been a big deal.

If you’re one of those people that display how much money you make on your MySpace account. Take it down. It makes you look like a total asshole. It’s like sending flowers to your girl at work. It doesn’t show that you care about her; it shows that you are pissing on your territory and you’re more of a collector than a caring human being.

I’m watching Days Of Heaven right now. The new Criterion edition. It’s pretty fucking amazing. The visuals are stunning and I like it a lot more than I remember. This may actually be the first time I’ve ever seen it sober. I wonder how many movies I need to go back and re-watch. How I’ll see them now. I’ve wasted so much time. Bothersome.

Some people need to have as many folks around them as possible. It somehow validates their existence. I’ve never understood why. They can’t just go out with one person, but have to call and pester and get everyone to go out. Maybe they are afraid that they don’t have enough inside them. Maybe they think that they’ll be discovered as a fraud if they spend too much time hanging out with one person. Maybe they’re just scared of being alone.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Keep It Fluffy

This entry is a 3 Musketeers candy bar bitches! This sucker is light and fluffy and keepin’ it simple.


Have I mentioned I’ve recently grown quite fond of them? I don’t remember eating them as a child, I’m sure I had one or two from Halloweens past, but I don’t remember. So I bought one a few weeks ago and damned if I didn’t think it was one tasty treat. I know, it’s plain and simple and there are no nuts or caramel or fun things in it that make it a real candy bar. Well to that I say, “Fuck you”. They still make the damned thing, so people must eat them. Now I admit they are not as yum-yum as a Charleston Chew (all flavors) but it’s still a fine candy bar.

Plus can you name one other candy bar named after a classic piece of literature? Exactly! The “War and Pieces” niblets never took off and “Nougats from the Underground” was a total disaster. (I dedicate that last one to all you Russian lit. majors out there.)

So good job Mr. Dumas, I may find your writing a little campy, but the candy bar is superb.

END SIDE NOTE. (Yeah it’s a little long for a side note.)

Anyway. I have been trolling e-bay off and on for movie posters to purchase and frame. I’m in a wall hanging mood. Plus I found a place that makes custom size frames on-line. They are well-constructed and inexpensive, thanks for asking.

So I keep running across some seller who prints reproductions. I’m looking for originals, but this place has some nice reprints. Now, every damn poster they sell, they put this picture up next to it.

Honestly, does anyone look at this and say, “Holy shit, it’s like the poster has come to life in my very own home!” I’m hoping it’s a bit of a laugh on the sellers behalf, but there is that part of me that thinks the guy is serious.

Some miniature glasses and black turtle neck wearing guy named Gunter, really wants me to feel what it would be like to have this poster hanging up in my futuristic plastic Ikea house.

And just in case I am a total idiot, I am told that the poster may not look the same in my dwelling and I don’t get any of that cool furniture with the 9.99 I’m spending on the poster!

This of course brings up the dilemma of the night. If I want the poster, should I go out and buy the furniture to guarantee that it will display properly in my shitty apartment?

Of course I do! Don’t I do everything an e-bay seller tells me! How else am I going to live unless other people tell me how too?

So the silver paint, couch, chair, rug, and a wicked lamp (my addition) that has fiber optic dingle-berries hanging off it will cost me approximately $3,458.96. That is without labor for painters, delivery charges or the cost of the poster itself, which I will no longer be able to afford.

Now for the same price I can get 4804 Three Musketeer bars.

The choice is clear. Dumas, you magnificent bastard!

Thursday, October 18, 2007


So I had my first therapy session on Tuesday. It was good, really good. I think I’ve got a good therapist. He’s very active and the discussion is about seeing where I lack strengths where I want strengths and will start to figure out how to make progress. My issues with social behavior, my relationship issues, these are being addressed with a very adventurous manner. So far, so good.

I’ve of course come to some conclusions on my own and even have little moments that remind me of what it is I’m looking for. I realized today that one of the things I miss most about Shea was the back and forth when it came to my stories. We’d sit over dinner and I’d express my ideas. She’d ask questions, throw walls up that I had to figure out how to get around. It would be a fun and creative time and I feel, I can’t speak for her, that they were fun. The idea of pulling words from the ether that would be the building blocks for images was a really great time. It’s something I want to find again. it's something that I cherish and something that I cherished in our relationship. It's not always a bad thing to have good memories of the past. (There is a wink there.)

Saturday, October 13, 2007


All right, so I’m feeling more rested. I’ve got a therapist who’s going to help me work on any issues I may have.

So, first issue: What the hell am I doing with my life?

I know what I want to do, make movies. So how do I go about it? First I need to write a script. I have no ideas and haven’t had the energy to just start free writing to see what happens.

I’d like to work more on the Film Geek Primer, but I just don’t seem to have the energy to do much on that either. I think it’s because I’m not sure where it’s going, if anywhere, and I don’t want to waste anymore time on things that aren’t going to move me forward. I know, I know, how do I know what it will get me? Well, we don’t have much of an audience and I don’t think we can get any bigger than where we are right now. It’s all a little frustrating. Not sure what to do about that.

The girl I’m interested in and who seems to be the one person who views the world the same way I do is in a relationship with another guy. It’s not going to last, but that doesn’t mean it won’t drag on forever either. She is interested in me and has said so many times. I should just let things run their course. It’s a pain in the ass because I have no control over it, like I have control over anything, and like that Buddhist thing goes, desire leads to suffering. I’m not, “Oh, woe is me” suffering, just frustrated and can’t let it go.

So I have no direction, I’m getting older by the minute and really don’t know what to do about any of it.

I understand that a large portion of society just exists and finds that one thing to work for, like family or money or fame, I’m just not into that. Maybe I should be. Money is nice because it takes certain stresses off, like being able to pay bills and eat, but with the left over all you can really do is buy things. I don’t want things. It’s a nice idea to want things in fantasy, but it just causes clutter and added responsibility that I don’t really want.

And fame? Seriously? I’m in a job that shows nothing but the downside of media popularity, so pardon me if I don’t go in that direction. Hell, even at work I see nothing but fellow employees jumping at a chance to be seen in the background of shots. Really? Does that qualify your existence in some way, shape, or form?

Finally there is family. I don’t have one, so it’s hard to work to keep that part of my life happy. I’m not saying I don’t want one, it’s just not in my life right now and it still scares me a little. I’ve hurt enough people in this lifetime. Do I really want to set it up so I can just fuck up more individuals? Will I? It’s something to work on in therapy.

I’m guessing (hoping) that my batteries are still charging and someday soon the projects and ideas will start flooding back into my brain. We’ll see.

Right now I’m Gene Hackman at the End of “Night Moves”. Shot in the gut on a boat in the middle of the ocean that is just spinning around in circles. I’m still alive and will survive, just feeling a little seasick.