Inglourious Spazterd

So I go to see Inglourious Basterds for the second time. I was a little off put the first time by some of the music cues and editing choices. I liked it, but I didn't love it. After a few days, I realized how long it was sticking with me, so thought I'd see it again. It's very good, I don't know if it's Tarantino's best, but very good.

So I go to the Dome to check it out. A great place to see a movie like this. It's a relatively empty theater being it's Tuesday in the early after noon. The only folks there are either unemployed, or on vacation.

This guy sits about 5 rows in front of me and as he's sitting makes a very loud "Frumph" that seems to have a level of pain involved. Whoops, it happens. Then he takes off his shoes, balances them on the back of the chair next to him. This is starting to get odd. He then spreads his legs and wedges his ankles in the seat spaces in front of him and starts spreading his toes. Stretching them like he was giving them a workout. Like he was going to a bar later and would impress the ladies by cracking walnuts between his powerful toe digits. Then he has a quick head spasm. Did you ever see the Mike Leigh film Naked? Ewen Bremner plays a Scottish fella who has a weird head jerk every so often. It was just like that, a Highland fling that looked quite jarring. Again, no skin off my neck, so I let the guy do his thing. Some people buy popcorn, some people make out in the back row, this guy does toe aerobics while trying to separate his head from his shoulders.

The film starts and everything is going swell. I'm into the film and have forgotten about the Spazterd. Of course, this can't last, he lets out another noise and jerks in his chair. It was kind of a "Fravvle", with a lot of nasal and that internal pain factor kicking in. A little while later, he does it again. I'm hoping this doesn't start to become a factor.

The third time he fravvled, It clicked. He made the noise whenever the text came up announcing a new chapter. He was angry at the chapter headings. He verbally did not approve of Mr. Tarantino's artistic choice in this matter. I waited for Chapter 4 to hit and sure enough the guy fravvled again, but this time was his most ferocious. I was enjoying the film, but was really waiting to see what this guy did when Chapter 5 came up since his anger seemed to be growing.

Chapter 5 flashes, he lets out a very loud "Fravvle!" Some one in the back shouts "Shut Up!". This really gets to the guy who takes a swipe at his shoes, still balanced on the back of the chair. They fly off into the empty rows behind him. He stands and fravvles his way out of the theater. He'd be stomping if he had shoes, but was more of an angry patter. A few laughs from the people near me who have witnessed this and we get back into the movie.

The movie ends and I stay through the credits. I get up, grab my bag ans start to walk out. As I'm hitting the exit, I hear an usher shout to the other employees cleaning the theater, "Hey, I found a shoe!"

It was a good afternoon.

Patterns Of Patterns

I am a person who latches on to a way of doing somthing and continues to do it that way even if it is inefficient. This is fine at times and at others a little more detrimental.

This thoguth moved to the front of my brain after driving to a friends house. I continually take a route that could be sumed up in two straight lines. North for three miles, turn left and head west for 2 miles, arrive at destination. This seems pretty self explanitory, but is actually the longer route. My west bound road has several more lights and probably delays my arrival by 3-5 minutes. It is a big deal? No. If I use the OCD side of my personality to figure out how much time, fuel, tirw ware that takes place during all of these travels, I might find it a little more problematic, but still very little skin off my back.

Recently I discovered if I turn west a block early, I save time and all of those other things that run throguh my mind. So I started turning a block early. The downside being is I'm tempted by a doughnut shop on that road, but that's not important to this pointless tale. What I keep doing, beofre I turn a block early is thinking about taking the old route. As if for soe reason, it will be faster, or I have some sentimental attachment to it. "Remember whe you used to drive that road? Good times, good times."

I realised how silly the thought was and that in many other aspects of my life I do the same thing. I trod the same path, only deviating when forced or find something turely beneficial. It's an odd part of the human condition, or at least my condition. It's a comfort thing, I know that. The road less traveled is scary for even the most daring of adventures.

I think/feel that I get myself into a lot of trouble because I find comfort in turmoil, not chaos mind you, but turmoil. I know emotional turmoil well and even though it is a painful process to go through, it is a comfortable spot because my mind knows how it works. It finds it soothing while my exteral self finds it fucking awful.

In recent years the goal has been to turn one block earlier. Fewere lights, less traffic a smoother ride even though it is still a road that needs to be travelled. Of course by subconcious continually wants to take the road I know. Foolish, foolish me.

As I was writing this, I realized that I've probably covered this before. Another pattern that I take comfort in to make myself think I'm growing.

Silly me.

Yeah, Yeah

Long time, I know. Does it really matter? Probably not. Anyway, let's move on.

I have all sorts of issues. I know it's surprising, but it's true. Yes, that is sarcasm for the slower folks in the audience. You know who you are.

I find it hard to let my defenses down with whoever it is I'm getting into a relationship with. I believe it is what people smarter than me call it "emotionally unavailable". That's me. Emotionally unavailable. It's not something that I want, it's just the way it goes.

I'm a bit of a loser. I don't mean that in a "feel sorry for me" way, I honestly mean it it in a very looking inward at myself way. I'm 37 and I share an apartment with another single guy who is 40. I don't have a job and the ones I haver are very fleeting. I can't seem to get my shit together when it comes to that ambitious drive needed to achieve my dreams. When it comes to relationships, forget it.

I have been dumped more times than I can count. I mean really bad. I've dumped a few, but it's probably a 90-10 split when it comes to me being kicked in the butt by love. That's fine, someone has to get the short end, I'm just saying the percentage is part of the mathimatical proof that I'm a loser. I'm just laying it out there, not loking for sympathy. This is the guy you're dealing with.

With this emotional unavailability comes a downside. I get involved with someone, keep my distance and then I have to wonder if they are loking around for something better. The answer is, "Yes you fucking idiot, of course they are!" Why wouldn't they? Honestly, who wants to hold out for a period of time while I try to get my shit together. Any half-wit who gets involved with me is keeping their eyes open for something better, it's almost like an unspoken law. I accept it. It can hurt and cause some major flux in my emotions for a period of time, because I'm immature, but it all ends up better in the end I guess. They get someone who can be with them completly and I can continue not working on being more open. Everyone wins.

This is a bit of a self-depricating bitch fest, but a person has to do that sometimes. Not the best way to vome back to this blog after an extended period of laziness, but a guy has to start somewhere.