Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Tranny Spam And Other Notes

I have officially received my favorite piece of porn spam ever. Instead of telling me about hot wet pussy or giant tits or sluts who go all the way, this one decided to appeal to the educated side of perverts.

Subject Line: tranny movies shakespearian

Really? That’s really how you’re going to sell me? Hold on, let me put on my tweed coat with patches on the elbows and light my pipe.

So what’s the pitch? I know that men played female characters back in Shakespeare’s time, but this is a whole new ballgame (pun intended). Hell if I saw tickets on sale for a group of tranny’s performing Othello, I’d camp out to be first in line. That’s breakthrough fucking theater right there.

Now there was a moment where I knew this could be crap. Click to read and I’m suddenly offered cheap Viagra or how a sheik needs my money and I’ll be rewarded with riches beyond my wildest dreams, but I’ll risk it in hopes of discovering the next level of the Bard’s work.

As I’m sure we both could guess, this was just a link for a trannys fuck all holes site. There was a flourish that got a chuckle from my inner twelve year old.

Actual quote:

They both poured themselves another drink and sat down on the couch. Vanity said, "I have a secret I want to show you.", and she stood up and took off her skirt. Roxy didn’t seem surprised at all. She said, “Good, I need to get fuckedö.”

Fuckedo? With an umlaut? That was first used in Twelfth Night, right?

Is it pronounced ‘fucked-o’, 'fuc-kedo', or ‘fuck-edo’? I like the last one. I just like saying edo, my favorite period in Japanese history. That's not true, the tokogawa period ruled. Now I'm just talking out of my ass.

Back on topic; I know it’s just some spelling error, but man I love that word, especially when I think of it as some tranny jargon.

Tranny 1: Hey Marge, have you seen Cindy?

Tranny 2: Yeah, I’d like to get some fuckedo from that!

Nasty! Unless you’re into that…then good for you.

I think Shakespeare would be proud of this new word being attributed to him, except for the people who believe Marlowe really wrote it. Oh, snap! (Yeah, I just used 'oh, snap'.)

In other news, it looks like I’ll be going off line for a while. The big push on moving takes place on Thursday and I wont have internet access until February 2nd. So I’m not forgetting about you, I mean that from the heart. I’ll be using the internet café down the street to check my emails, but since unemployment keeps me budgeting, I wont be posting. I know you’re depressed, but I’ll be back with all sorts of new adventures of me with my Mexican sidekick. Or being the sidekick to a Mexican, again I’m not sure.

Also, dream job work stuff is in the early cooking stages so hopefully I'll have exciting news on that when I return. Keep your fingers crossed and continue praying to your heathen gods for me.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Herr Hoff

You can tell I'm unemployed when I'm posting this shit all the time.

As we all know, David Hasslehoff is a musical genius. So here he is shooting another load into our eyes.

I do not consider myself a judgemental person, even though I have my moments, so why should I find him repulsive here?

(I can pretty much guarantee that I'm going to be one of those old guys that sits on a bench trying to look up skirts of twenty year olds. I pretty much do that now, so no point in saying that'll change with age.)

Yet I find something creepy as Hof slides up to the girl and "seduces" her into Kitt. I don't know if it's because he's got those squnity eyes, or maybe I'm unsure if he takes himself seriously or not. Plus those hip thrusting/white mans overbite moves just make me feel, well repulsed. I honestly don't have a solid explanation nor will I take the time to analyse further.

I have no problem with the idea of Woody Allen face fucking his adopted daughter, but The Hof is a different reaction.

Maybe I should examine this further.


Thank you technology. Now that you are getting to the point where you can re-animate the dead you give us one of our greatest icons.

Orville Redenbacher!

What's with that wierd bobbing up and down that he is doing at the end. I know he's supposed to be rocking out, but it looks like he has to pee real bad.

Now if someone would just get on re-animating the "Dunkin' Donuts" guy having sex with the "Where's The Beef" lady we will have reached CGI nirvana.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Pain In My Buttocks

I decided that I was going to put a picture of myself back up in my profile and this stupid Blogger system wont let me do it. I’ve uploaded it to my blog first, no go. Flickr, My Space, and some tool that Blogger recommends, but no go. Actually the Blogger tool would probably work if it weren’t for Windows only. Fucking Apple haters.

So I need to figure that out, but for now it’s more of the man known as Mifune.

So John, what’s been going on?

Moving. A lot of packing boxes and dealing with the whole setting up electric/gas/mail thing that is, as always, an arduous process to go through. If there is one thing that everyone hates, it’s moving; the big furniture especially.

Something you will always hear when moving: Try turning it sideways.

On Work: I really haven’t done much looking. I sent out a few half assed resumes just to say I’ve done something about it, but I’m pretty much resigned to getting moved in before looking for work.

I’ve got irons in the fire as far as the future career goes, but it is way to early to discuss any of that.

It’s funny that I’m not very stressed about it yet. Losing a job as a group of people versus as an individual is a lot more calming. I feel no guilt over losing the job since I did my job and a lot of people thought I did good work. I’m sure I’ll run across some of them in the future. It happens in this business.

So it’s back to packing and enjoying the fact that I don’t have to spend 14 hours a day at a job for a while.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Why Are People So F@*ked Up

So this lady with the ironic last name of Foxton...

Has rasied a squirrel, domesticated it and now dresses it up to takes pictures.

Not only does she take pictures of this critter, but gets all up in your face politically about it.

Here is her statement about the Sadam execution.

See more at: http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/

I'm not making a direct link because I feel you should do the work.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Faith In Film

There are times when that thing you feel is starting to slip is renewed, not just renewed, but a miracle is witnessed and you see the beauty that made you fall in love with something in the first place.

Children Of Men is one of those movies. It is so well made that you can’t help but be swept up in the story, the characters and just the flat out incredible imagery that keeps being thrown at you.

It’s more that just the incredible single takes; it’s how the entire thing is composed. There are shots in a barn that remind you of the best of Tarkovsky. There is a moment in the woods that top Polanski and Kubrick is applauding movie heaven at the shot of Clive Owen running to rescue our pregnant girl.

This is the best thing I’ve seen in a couple of years. I’d say the best piece of cinema since City Of God.

Keep your eyes open, like you could miss it, for the cover art of Pink Floyd's "Animals". It’s a real “Holy shit!” moment.

I’ll see it at least two more times in the theater. This is a real achievement and Alfonso Cuaron is officially a modern master.

Monday, January 08, 2007

The Latest Greatest

1. Happy New Year
2. I’m Unemployed (Show was Cancelled)
3. Moving To New Apartment (Signed lease before unemployed)
4. Feelin’ Fine

So for those of you who were getting bored because I seemed emotionally complacent, good news! I’m sure the emotional rollercoaster will be starting up again soon.