Wax On, Wax AAAAAAFFF

So I’m heading to Tucson and figure I might be getting some swimming time in, so I’m going through the whole modern male clean up process.

I am of Italian decent, southern Italy none the less, which means I am one of those animals that tends to run on the furry side. On a 1-10 scale, I’ll rate Robin Williams and Sasquatch at 10 and one of those people with "no hair" disease at 1. I fall into about a 5 category (yes ladies you may now be repulsed). Personally I dig the chest hair thing. It makes me feel grown up even though I act out like a third grader a lot.

So I hop on down to the Rite-Aid to pick up some removal cream. Now, I’ve done it in the past and this is not a fun chore. So I’m reading over a couple of products to find something new and preferably longer lasting. I garb a box of stuff that claims to be non-burning, all natural, blah, blah, blah.

I get home open it up and fuck me if it’s not a type of wax. Spatula, cloth strips the whole deal. Not what I wanted and no indication of it being listed as such on the box. But, I just shelled over the cash, so I’ll give it a shot.

If you have ever applied stuco to a wall, this is worse. The shit sticks to everything, it hurts going on and it’s impossible to get a decent spread, so you’re doing small areas at a time. Simple directions, apply with the grain of the hair, smooth down strip, quickly remove strip against the grain. Guaranteed no burning. There is that fucking no burning again. Yeah, thanks pal, I doubt burning is the problem I’m going to have here.

Count down, 3…2…1…YANK!

MUTHER FUKER!!!!!!!

Done! No more! I’ll blow the cash and go with the burning. This green gel strip of cloth is holding a patch of chest hair and you can actually see the ball at the end of the follicle that has been forced out of it’s home. My chest is bright red and I’ve got a couple of blood splots. It’s that “40 Year Old Virgin” scene and I don’t even have a little old asian lady to scream at.

Luckily I did it over my chest ink, so you can’t see the missing patch too clearly.

Vanity is not my friend.