Just Tired

I’m beat. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, just out of it.

I’m having dreams where I think people are going out of town and find out they're not. Ask questions that I’ve already asked and not asking questions thinking I’ve already gotten the answers. I think I’ve even had a brief hallucination or two.

Just strange shit.

I’m looking at my calendar and seeing I haven’t had a day off of work in 29 days and it’s looking more and more that I wont for two to three more weeks. Not good.

I’m in the middle of training a new weekend editor, he’s doing fine, but all I want to do is just edit everything so I can go home. I contain myself, knowing it's better in the long run.

The latest I’ve been able to sleep in is 6:00 and most of the days I’m up between 4:30 and 5:00. It’s grueling and at the end of it, not very satisfying.

I’m glad I have Aaron with me at work. The humor keeps me going most of the time. If it weren’t there I’d have probably jumped out a window by now. If my office had a window, that is.

I’m way behind in getting a new episode of FGP out. I just shot my part for an episode that we shot two weeks ago. It may have only been one week; time is one giant blob right now.

I come home from work and nap for about an hour, which keeps me from falling asleep when I should.

I’m waking up almost every hour on the hour at night; I check my email to see if anyone has written. It’s funny how no one writes me at three in the morning. I wonder why that is? Oh, right, they’re fucking asleep.



There is a light at the end of this tunnel. I know I’m moving through it and I know it’s there, I’m just not seeing it yet. It’ll happen.

There is that part of me that wishes I had a girlfriend, so I could fall asleep in her lap. That comfort and warmth of another caring human being watching over me feels necessary right now. But I’m in no place for that and I couldn’t return any of the caring and compassion that I want to give.

Though at this point I’d settle for a good lay, sleeping in late and a nice breakfast at a decent greasy spoon.


(side note: As I was attempting to upload this picture, I kept looking at the screen wondering why it wasn't uploading. It took me a minute to realize I didn't push the upload button. I'm a fucktard.)