But I have problems with it as well. It can create, for me, a level of gluttony. This is something I do not enjoy. It limits me and creates an emotional prison. It keeps me worried about specific things and I cannot move forward because I can't let go of these nitpicks.
The biggest of these is food. This is where having blinders and keeping in a sense of tunnel vision becomes a plus. Case in point, shopping for groceries.
Back in the day, when I was very good at eating properly and keeping a decent diet going I had my pattern of shopping. I knew exactly where the items I could buy were and my path would not allow me to stray from it. Now I have strayed from that path into the unknown aisles of treats and curiosities. What is this bag of tasty things? Oh, look at that colorful package, what is in it? This looks scrumptious. SO I end up trying things that I shouldn't be.
I have been going to the gym on a regular basis (minus guest visits) and I am slowly returning to that place where I once was. What makes returning to it so different is I've seen the end of this road before. I know where I'm going to go, where as before I was searching for the road. So this time I feel a lot more comfortable straying since I know the path. Grrrr.
It's not anger I feel so much as minor pangs of regret. At my level, there are only so many different flavors. I've tasted chocolate and peppermint, so having more isn't new, it's just indulgent. I need to remind myself of that. It's not like the flavor is going to vaporize off the planet and I'll be damning myself for not having enough. As a matter of fact the York peppermint patty will probably live long after my time on this earth has passed.
On the good side, I'm writing a lot more (not here but elsewhere). So that is a plus. I feel a pattern falling into place that I enjoy as I work towards a goal. I'll need to work on keeping it in practice, but loose enough to move around in case I find a job. It's the exercise and diet that will help keep my energy up, which is why I lay so much importance on it. It is an interesting thing when you want to complete so much in a day, but there are only so many hours. God knows ow it would fall apart if I had a family. It wouldn't, or would be moving at a much slower pace. I don't know how well I'd do with that.
Isn't that one of my eternal questions.
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