Thursday, August 27, 2009

Patterns Of Patterns

I am a person who latches on to a way of doing somthing and continues to do it that way even if it is inefficient. This is fine at times and at others a little more detrimental.

This thoguth moved to the front of my brain after driving to a friends house. I continually take a route that could be sumed up in two straight lines. North for three miles, turn left and head west for 2 miles, arrive at destination. This seems pretty self explanitory, but is actually the longer route. My west bound road has several more lights and probably delays my arrival by 3-5 minutes. It is a big deal? No. If I use the OCD side of my personality to figure out how much time, fuel, tirw ware that takes place during all of these travels, I might find it a little more problematic, but still very little skin off my back.

Recently I discovered if I turn west a block early, I save time and all of those other things that run throguh my mind. So I started turning a block early. The downside being is I'm tempted by a doughnut shop on that road, but that's not important to this pointless tale. What I keep doing, beofre I turn a block early is thinking about taking the old route. As if for soe reason, it will be faster, or I have some sentimental attachment to it. "Remember whe you used to drive that road? Good times, good times."

I realised how silly the thought was and that in many other aspects of my life I do the same thing. I trod the same path, only deviating when forced or find something turely beneficial. It's an odd part of the human condition, or at least my condition. It's a comfort thing, I know that. The road less traveled is scary for even the most daring of adventures.

I think/feel that I get myself into a lot of trouble because I find comfort in turmoil, not chaos mind you, but turmoil. I know emotional turmoil well and even though it is a painful process to go through, it is a comfortable spot because my mind knows how it works. It finds it soothing while my exteral self finds it fucking awful.

In recent years the goal has been to turn one block earlier. Fewere lights, less traffic a smoother ride even though it is still a road that needs to be travelled. Of course by subconcious continually wants to take the road I know. Foolish, foolish me.

As I was writing this, I realized that I've probably covered this before. Another pattern that I take comfort in to make myself think I'm growing.

Silly me.

1 comment:

clearcrystal said...

you have a nice is very black and look like jone ceana.:]