Sunday, September 27, 2009

4 Years And Counting

I didn't realize until about two hours ago that today is my sobriety anniversary. Four years, a decent start. Let's keep going, I think I will.

I was talking about it with a few friends a week ago and someone mentioned that it hasn't been the easiest time. I wanted to correct him and say it wasn't a big deal and then decide to think about it a bit. Here is some sorta-kinda math.

Great: 8 months
Good: 13 months
Bad: 1 month
Horrible: 1 Month

That's shy quite a few months. I think the rest of it was pretty much just life. Nothing incredible and nothing horrific. Just living like any other human does on this orbiting rock. That's two years and one month living my life. That's pretty good considering that's the goal. To feel human again. Not normal, I'll never be and never have been that, but I have been existing in the moment.

Someone asked me how is it possible? How can a person go through their life and deal with all of the shit without wanting to drink. The answer is there are times when I want to drink. I have always admitted, it's the drugs I miss more. Every so often, the idea of getting high sounds like a lot of fun. Then I think about where it will undoubtedly lead and stop myself. But, If I drink or if I don't drink, the shit-times are simply going to happen. Everyone feels stress and fear, anger and hate. They are valid emotions that run through anyone who isn't a sociopath. I just keep going moving on until the moments have passed and the regular rock-n-roll of life comes back into play. The pendulum keeps on swinging. I just refuse to let go right now.

The second year, that was the suckiest year. I don't recommend having to go through that one again. Just sayin'.

So what's up next? Gotta find a job and I gotta finish these scripts that I have been working on. This past year has been my most active when it comes to writing and that is a good thing. Let's see where I'm at when I report back in a year. It's never what I expect, maybe it'll be a good thing.

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