Lesson Not Learned

This is really more about something I know about myself, but still have not totally grasped how to conquer.

I can be mean. I can be harsh. I can make a snap judgment, knee-jerk reaction that does not always play to the side of good.

This is a defense maneuver that I have always used to defend myself. Someone makes a comment about me that hurts my feelings in some way, I snap back with some snarky comment that can cut to the quick and be quite cruel.

It’s not something that I like about myself. But I know it is something that is a part of me and I must work on it.



I grew up being insulted. I never defended myself. I let myself believe that they were right and that I was useless. I got older and when I finally decided to stand up when I was attacked, I over shot it. There is probably that nurtured part of me that is actually lashing out at all those things that happened as a kid and I take it out on whoever is picking on me.

I used to be worse. I’d attack and hold onto anger and refuse to believe that my defense mechanism was wrong. That it was all right to be mean and cruel.

At least now-a-days I grasp quickly that I make the mistake and try to apologize for it as quickly as possible. Some people have been kind and open enough to understand and some haven’t. That’s the way life works.

So I must practice listening and hearing what I am really being told. I need to see what and why the other person is saying what they are saying. Maybe it’s an accident; maybe it’s just a bad day for them. Maybe they make some valid points but are just not that great at articulating them. Perhaps they don’t even know the work articulate.

I just had a flash of the third step prayer in AA. Not being a fan of religion, I’d rather look at it as some solid words of advice to pay attention to and practice.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Apply that to when I feel I am being attacked and I’ve got a solid foundation.

I’d really like other advice anyone can offer, so please don’t be shy. Let me know how you handle situations where you feel that someone is attacking you. I mean that in the verbal attack sense. We can discuss what happens when being attacked by a guy with a sword at some later date.

Thanks.