Upswing And Voice Lessons

As always, the pendulum continues to swing. I was feeling at my lowest on Thursday, but after a few more days of rest and just bumming around, I’m feeling better. Actually, I was feeling better after goofing around on Thursday for a bit. I went to I-Hop for a burger and deep fried cheesecake. Nothing like junk food to make you feel better emotionally, if not worse physically.

In honor of my three years clean and sober I ordered some poster frames for my collectables. Soon I’ll be able to be a cool geek with some design flare. I originally wanted to throw my business at a local guy, but he was going to charge me 99 buck a frame. I found the exact same style and deal online for 54 bucks each. Ah the internet, helping to destroy brick and mortar one brink at a time.

Anyway, I was having a conversation with myself when I wondered if I was possessed. I realized that there were two very distinct voices in my head. I’m pretty sure they have always been there, so I decided to engage the voice that I felt was the one I had less control over. Maybe this is standard in everyone, the opposing side wanting to be heard and understood. Instead of thinking about how it should answer, I just let it answer. Let it run wild and say what it wanted to say. So I asked it questions.

I am Jack's inner voice:

Me: So what do you want?

Voice: I want to be heard.

Me: How.

Voice: Write.

Me: What if you’re no good at it?

Voice: Does it really matter?

Me: Not really as long as I’m writing.

Voice: Exactly.

Me: What about the Primer?

Voice: Not enough.

Me: So what will you write?

Voice: Just be open to it when it comes.

Me: Are you a demon?

Voice: Stop acting stupid.

Me: Right, got it.

And I stopped. It went away fro now. It’ll start screaming at me at some point and I need to start listening when it does. Perhaps it’s that part of me that needs to exist to make me whole. Maybe I’m just being an idiot. Maybe… I dunno.