The friend who had to walk away is Stefanie. We dated a little back in June and July. She’s a really great person. She’s a scientist and a bit of a geek, which is really cool. We had a good time together and it felt comfortable. But it just didn’t click for me. It has nothing to do with her, which is what she keeps thinking. Something just doesn’t fit right for me. I couldn’t tell you what. I really have no idea. I know a lot of people can understand this. I just feel that we work better as friends. I have too many issues and self-loathing to get into anything that might hurt her. There are lots of things that I could use as an excuse, but in the end, it just won’t work. And committing to a relationship that is just going to cause pain and suffering in the future is just plain old bad.
She had to walk away from me because she doesn’t want to have to deal with the pain of me finding someone else. It makes so much sense I can’t refute it. There is a part of me that will feel hurt when she meets the right guy. It’s not a being in love thing; it’s just that emotional realization that you’re not the one. It’s funny ain’t it.
Anyway we’re not talking right now and I understand her position. I hope that maybe we can find that friendship sometime in the future; because I really do enjoy her company and I really want her to be happy. Without me around hopeful it will help her find it.
It was a good time and I’m lucky to have been involved with such a good person.
The friendships that I had to give up are a very long and complex story. I’ll try to figure out a way to lay it down and get back to you later.
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