Random Entry

Haven’t posted in a few days and I always fell a little foolish leaving up one of my more negative posts for too long.

So here’s one of those not even worth reading posts.

The weather has cooled off a bit. I hear we are supposed to have one more wave of heat before the real cooling down starts, but it’s nice to have a bit of a break.

I’ve been studying up on HTML so who knows, maybe in a month or two I’ll create my own design for the blog and it’ll be all fancy schmancy. Don’t cross any fingers though.

It’s interesting how much a life depends on income. I’d love to start going out more and maybe meeting some people, but it’s a lot harder to do when you can’t pay for gas, drinks, impulse trips and all that jazz. Yes, a job will be nice to have not only for the monetary reasons, but also just to boost my confidence with some sort of purpose.

I started my photo blog and have barely gone out to take any photos. I need to do more of that. It’s free after all.

My two years of being clean and sober is just around the corner. I’m trying to think of a way to celebrate.

This is going to sound a little odd, but I have pondered starting drinking again. It happens to most alcoholics. We get to a point where we are curious if we could handle it again. If maybe we aren’t really alcoholics and just needed time to get our heads together. It’s a nice fantasy, but the bottom line is I am an alcoholic and addict and even if it seems that I could keep my shit together for a while, it would slowly grow back to the old ways and I’d be fucked again. Starting over from day one does not seem like a lot of fun to me. So for now, I’ll stay on my path.

It’s officially two weeks since I quit smoking. Not too bad. I did have a dream the other night that doctors found flecks of cancer in my lungs, so I started smoking again because I figured it was too late anyway. The “flecks” thing is exactly how it was described to me. In my dream state I kept imagining the cancer to be like the flakes in a snow globe, just drifting around inside my lungs. I was more scared by the fact that I was smoking again than I was about the cancer.

I have a lot of private things I’d like to discuss, but can’t because I know who reads this. Is that a bummer or what? I have to self-sensor. I could start a private blog, or a journal, but that defeats the purpose of why I started this one in the first place. Maybe I’ll just stop caring about who reads it and let it all hang out. We’ll see.