Just Tired

I’m beat. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, just out of it.

I’m having dreams where I think people are going out of town and find out they're not. Ask questions that I’ve already asked and not asking questions thinking I’ve already gotten the answers. I think I’ve even had a brief hallucination or two.

Just strange shit.

I’m looking at my calendar and seeing I haven’t had a day off of work in 29 days and it’s looking more and more that I wont for two to three more weeks. Not good.

I’m in the middle of training a new weekend editor, he’s doing fine, but all I want to do is just edit everything so I can go home. I contain myself, knowing it's better in the long run.

The latest I’ve been able to sleep in is 6:00 and most of the days I’m up between 4:30 and 5:00. It’s grueling and at the end of it, not very satisfying.

I’m glad I have Aaron with me at work. The humor keeps me going most of the time. If it weren’t there I’d have probably jumped out a window by now. If my office had a window, that is.

I’m way behind in getting a new episode of FGP out. I just shot my part for an episode that we shot two weeks ago. It may have only been one week; time is one giant blob right now.

I come home from work and nap for about an hour, which keeps me from falling asleep when I should.

I’m waking up almost every hour on the hour at night; I check my email to see if anyone has written. It’s funny how no one writes me at three in the morning. I wonder why that is? Oh, right, they’re fucking asleep.



There is a light at the end of this tunnel. I know I’m moving through it and I know it’s there, I’m just not seeing it yet. It’ll happen.

There is that part of me that wishes I had a girlfriend, so I could fall asleep in her lap. That comfort and warmth of another caring human being watching over me feels necessary right now. But I’m in no place for that and I couldn’t return any of the caring and compassion that I want to give.

Though at this point I’d settle for a good lay, sleeping in late and a nice breakfast at a decent greasy spoon.


(side note: As I was attempting to upload this picture, I kept looking at the screen wondering why it wasn't uploading. It took me a minute to realize I didn't push the upload button. I'm a fucktard.)

Step Up Stupid Fucker

The latest words of inspiration that adorns the office wall is from an employee who recently moved to San Francisco to pursue a better life and family. The words are simple and to the point.

STUPID FUCKERS!

Heartfelt and honest, that’s how I feel about them.

I’ve been hoisted with a lot more responsibility over the past month and a half than I signed up for. I wasn’t sure what to do about it. Then I realized I didn’t mind the responsibility as much as I minded the pay that went with the responsibility. Other people are doing much less and getting paid much more.

I am not a proactive person and have never felt that I was worth much. I’ve never spoken up or asked for any kind of title change or pay increase. I discussed the possibility with some friends who were very honest and kind with their advice. It boiled down to, “Ask for more money, stupid fucker.”

I approached a couple of supervisors and asked if I could possibly get a title change and raise since I’d accepted so much more. “Of, course.” was the response. “Just write down a title and what you think your salary should be and we’ll take it to the boss.

So I wrote up a few titles, including a couple of joke titles so they’d see I was not being overly serious about this. God forbid they think I really do believe in myself. I then went an extra mile and wrote down all of the things I had been made responsible for and how, given the title change and raise, I could help make the department more efficient and organized.

I presented the letter and my supervisor thought that it was more than fair. (This makes me think I should have asked for more, but I know I can stand firm on what I’ve asked.) She said everything looked great and if it was up to her, there would be no problems. She’s taking it to the big boss people and will stand behind it, which is good.

Now all I have to do is wait and see what the response it.

And in all honesty, I’m worth every penny to them. They are getting a good deal and they’ll know it. If they don’t, time for me to start an exit strategy, or tuck tail between my legs and do as master says.

Videodrome

I haven't shown off any videos for a while, so here are a couple that have crossed my path.

First up a little tribute to everyones favorite intergalactic homosexual, Mr. Sulu.



Now this next one is lonh, but you've got to watch the entire thing it's just great animal nuttiness at it's finest. It features, Lions, Water Buffalo and Crocodile. Plus some human narration that gives new meaning to the words, "No shit,really?"



Hope you enjoyed them. Now go shake that buldge and stay away from the Buffalo.

Lesson Not Learned

This is really more about something I know about myself, but still have not totally grasped how to conquer.

I can be mean. I can be harsh. I can make a snap judgment, knee-jerk reaction that does not always play to the side of good.

This is a defense maneuver that I have always used to defend myself. Someone makes a comment about me that hurts my feelings in some way, I snap back with some snarky comment that can cut to the quick and be quite cruel.

It’s not something that I like about myself. But I know it is something that is a part of me and I must work on it.



I grew up being insulted. I never defended myself. I let myself believe that they were right and that I was useless. I got older and when I finally decided to stand up when I was attacked, I over shot it. There is probably that nurtured part of me that is actually lashing out at all those things that happened as a kid and I take it out on whoever is picking on me.

I used to be worse. I’d attack and hold onto anger and refuse to believe that my defense mechanism was wrong. That it was all right to be mean and cruel.

At least now-a-days I grasp quickly that I make the mistake and try to apologize for it as quickly as possible. Some people have been kind and open enough to understand and some haven’t. That’s the way life works.

So I must practice listening and hearing what I am really being told. I need to see what and why the other person is saying what they are saying. Maybe it’s an accident; maybe it’s just a bad day for them. Maybe they make some valid points but are just not that great at articulating them. Perhaps they don’t even know the work articulate.

I just had a flash of the third step prayer in AA. Not being a fan of religion, I’d rather look at it as some solid words of advice to pay attention to and practice.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Apply that to when I feel I am being attacked and I’ve got a solid foundation.

I’d really like other advice anyone can offer, so please don’t be shy. Let me know how you handle situations where you feel that someone is attacking you. I mean that in the verbal attack sense. We can discuss what happens when being attacked by a guy with a sword at some later date.

Thanks.

Long Time

My apologies to the three people that read this site. It’s been a while and it’s been a crazy time.

I’m now the web editor for my job. That’s pretty cool. I blur out boobs and bleep out swear words. Some of my work has been seen on The Today Show and news programs across the country. If you’ve ever wondered who the poor schmuck is who bleeps stuff. It’s me. But it’s a fun job. Fast paced. Quick turn around times. Immediate deadlines. Crazy stuff.

I also have to be at work at 5 am. Yikes! Luckily the new office is just down the street. I think I’ve mentioned that before, but I like to repeat some of the good points.

FGP will be back in a couple of weeks. So you can look forward to that.

I’m enjoying life, having a good time and working towards goals. It’s quite fun.

And I’ll keep saying that until I have to be up at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow.

Some Editing Required

So, I forgot to mention that I ended up getting the editing gig.

I stayed up all night so I could sleep during the day before going to spend an entire night at the Hilton home awaiting Paris’ return. I hit the sack at five and I got a call at seven.

Quick transcription:

Them: John, you didn’t say you were going to be editing.

ME: I didn’t know I was editing. I thought the phone call was telling me what I was going to be doing.

Them: Oh. Well, we need you to edit , so can you come in right now?

ME: Yeah, I’m on my way.

No shower just threw on jeans, a layer of deodorant and headed in. It was good. I spent a couple of days being trained and was thrown into the fire. Apparently I passed with flying colors. I just finished my second week editing yesterday. Susan came in all smiles and said they loved me. She was getting major kudos for hiring me.

I’m glad I could help make her happy. I felt I was letting her down before, but this is a pleasant surprise. I was also complimented by Someone who said she doesn’t give out compliments easily. Since I don’t accept compliments easily, I said I was very thankful for the kind words.

So that’s pretty damned cool.

As far as Film Geek Primer goes, we’re on a bit of a hiatus. Aaron is in the middle of a barrage of weddings this month and I’m getting used to the new job. So it’s best to take a break. I’m still debating if I want to keep going, but I figure after a couple weeks, I’ll be chomping at the bit to get back into it. I’ll takes some time and write some scripts and see if we can start producing some better shows. When I say better, I mean in the direction of the Russ Meyer Episode or Bogart episode and not as many talking heads. We’ll see.

While we’re on hiatus, I’ve started a new blog with my Santo character (where do I end and my character begins?). It’s called Being Brangalito and it’s the adventures of Santo as Brangalina’s nanny. It’s cute and will wrap back into FGP when we start back up.

Busy, busy, busy and I’m making progress in all sorts of areas. Just keep learning and moving forward. That’s how I’m defining my life at this point in time.

Edward Yang R.I.P.

As everyone spreads word about the death of Joel Siegel, I’d like to point out the death of a filmmaker that is getting little notice.

His name is Edward Yang and he passed away from colon cancer on Friday.



I have only seen one “Yi Yi” and it is an extraordinary film.

It is very simple and deals with members of a family asking themselves about the meaning of life. There is something of a plotline, but it is rally more of a character driven story that is subtle in its movements and grand in its quest to analyze the soul.

It runs three hours and feels like an hour and a half. I discovered it back in 2001 after reading a few good reviews. The running time made me feel a little iffy, but I’m glad I took the time out to watch it.

Criterion has recently released it on DVD. Give it a shot, you wont be disappointed.

Sometimes all it takes is one film for a filmmaker to grace your life and make you feel the loss when they pass on. Edward Yang definitely would fit into that category fro me.

I send out my sincerest condolences to his friends and family.

Triumph And Rejection

So the director of the show asked me to give him a ride home on Friday. His car was in the shop, there were tons of issues and he had to catch a six o’clock flight. So, I took off from Glendale at 2:30 to drive him to Santa Monica.

This was a bit of a drive and we hit heavy traffic (shocking) along the way. It was about four when I got him home and figured I’d just call it a day and head home since it was better than driving all the way back to work just to get my stuff and leave again.

Stuck on the 404 I got a call from a fellow PA, saying they were looking for an editor next week. I should call them right away and say I’m interested. So I call right up. I'm told I’ll need to prove my speed so I should come in for a quick sample edit.

I get off on Sunset and haul ass back to work. I made it in record time, busting into work sweaty and jacked up on nicotine.

They toss me in an editing bay and point to two assignments to test me. I whip through them in record time and they like the clips. So I should be set, right? Well, they are short handed in the PA department and have to think about it. They’ll call me during the weekend.

This morning I get a call and it’s someone from the assignment desk. Fingers crossed, I answer. As you can tell from the title of this entry, I didn’t get it. As a matter of fact they didn’t even mention it. All they said was I need to be a runner on Monday night. The shift runs from 8pm until 6am. Holy shit! Seriously? Yep.

I felt a little bummed for a while, but have settled in with the idea. It’s fine, no big whoop. There will be another time and I’ve already passed the audition.

What really bugs me is they didn’t even say, ”Listen, we really need you to do this instead.” or any kind of excuse. It was simply, here’s what you’re doing on Monday, so get ready to go do it. That’s what really bums me out. I wasn’t even properly rejected, just glanced over.

Ah, there is no business like show business.

McGrath’s Poop

So I’m at work and we share an office with that show "Extra". It’s like "Entertainment Tonight", but even more irritating.

So I’m in the bathroom taking a leak and there is a guy in one of the stalls. I’m assuming it’s a guy since it is the men’s room. Otherwise this would be an even more exciting post.

So the toilet in the stall is flushed and out steps the host of "Extra", Mark McGrath (I’m not sure if this is how you spell his name.) For those f you who are musically challenged, McGrath was (is?) the lead singer for the band Sugar Ray. They had a few hits in the late 90’s early 00’s. Now this guy is the host of "Extra"? How the hell does that happen? You’re rockin’ out on stage with your shirt off and someone says, “Hey, that guy would be a great host for pabulum television.” So it happened and there he was washing his hands next to me.

Seeing him does not impress me, I was never a big fan. I do want an answer to the career change, but I decided to be polite. Then I think of a few things that would make me laugh.

Stuff I want to say:

1. “Man, after a good dump I just wanna fly.”
2. “You know man, every morning I have to take a crap too.”

These are of course references to the two big hits that saturated radio back in the day.



Then I remember the one that would be honest.

“Hey, Mr. McGrath, I’ve got a friend up in the Bay Area who is just in love with you.”
“Oh yeah, what’s her name?”
“Todd.”

This is true, Todd had a huge man crush on Mark back in the day. I don’t know if it’s true today, but I find it funny nonetheless.

Anyway, I simply nod and say, “How’s it going.” He says nothing, apparently a bit ashamed to have proven that even famous people have bowel movements. Then he scurries out the door. I wash my hands and leave.

I thought for a second about checking the bowl for McGrath’s remains and maybe bagging it up to send to Todd, but then I realized dry ice and shipping would be too much for a joke, so I went back to work and decided to share this toilet humor with my readers.

Job

So I start my new job tomorrow. It’s a gig for the new show (blank). Yep, I’ve totally sold out and am working for an entertainment gossip show. That’s the way the cookie crumbles when you’re trying to survive in this town.

It’ll be an educational place though. I figure I’ll make some contacts and get up to speed on how other parts of this industry works.

The down side is I’ve got to be there at 7am! That really sucks. It won't be bad in July when we move to the new offices which are right down the street from me. I’ll be able to walk there, which will be nice. But for now I’m driving out to Glendale. That means getting up at 5:45 for the next couple of weeks. I don’t think I’ve done that…ever. So a new yet groggy adventure starts.

It’ll keep my mind off the fact that I’m swimming in lava right now.

Heart Fillet

It’s tough to open your heart to someone. It does tend to feel like that moment in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where Mola Ram pulls the guy’s heart out. Totally exposed and you try to keep everything at a PG-13 rating. Sometimes though you just have to bite the bullet and figure that being tossed into a pit of hot lava will be the easy part.



For me, before making that plunge I have to weigh a lot of things first. Why am I doing it? Is it because I don’t want to be alone? Is it because I just want to be able to check off the relationship box on the list and move on to other issues so I can salvage my existence and say I’m living a full life?

I know I’m not doing it to get laid. I’ve fooled myself enough to pretend that caring about someone isn’t worth the woes of trying to fake love. Plus it’s gotten really hard for me to even use that word. (Note, I’m not in love (I don’t think yet)), I’m just looking at the road in front of me.

What happens when the other person seems to not give a rat’s ass about me or just isn’t willing to make that move. Well, that may be a good thing. Best that someone be rational while I go volcano swimming.

Let’s face it. I’m not anyone’s first choice; I am after all some pretty damaged goods. Self-aware damaged goods but damaged nonetheless. I find it amusing because it's hard for me to fathom anyone not being damaged. It’s just my perspective of life. Every box of ‘Nilla Wafers has that damn wrinkled tear on the edge and you just need to find the one that sounds the fullest when you shake it. So I guess we can remove a few points from the self-awareness column. I'm not saying any of this to be down on myself, even though it sounds like it. Some people in this world are mentally healthier that others. I fall under the others catagory, not a big deal. I don't mind it, neither should you.

So to sum up:

1. Opening up to someone is hard because I fear rejection.
2. I like Indiana Jones and the Tempe of Doom more than the average viewer.
3. Not everyone is damaged and that’s a good thing.
4. ‘Nilla Wafers are a tasty treat especially when dipped in ice cream.

I think I’ve pretty much solved of my problems now. I’m actually just in need of cookies.

Ash Photo

So my mother sent me a picture of Ash today.

It’s pretty odd, I haven’t seen him in close to nine years and haven’t seen a photo of him in about seven.



He looks a lot like his mother, thank god. He also reminds me a little bit of Edward Furlong before he became a drugged out idiot several years back (Furlong, not Ash). I think you can see it around the nose and mouth.

The Blake Booth

Quick Recap:

Bonnie Lee Bakley was murdered in the parking lot of the Italian resteraunt Vitello's in 2001 after finishing a meal. Her husband, actor Robert Blake was accused of the murder.His alibi was he had forgotten his gun in Vitello's and went back in to get it when someone decided to shot her.

This is not only an odd alibi, but so fucking nuts it has to be true.

Blake was accused of the murder, put on trial and acquitted in I think 2004, maybe 2005.



Present Day:

Thursday night I was given the esteemed please of sitting in the booth at Vitello's where this soon to be separated couple shared their last meal. I sat on the side where Mr. Blake sat. Now I want to say, for the record, I can totally see forgetting your gun there. It's in a darker corner of the restaurant and the side of the cushion where I perceived he had set his gun for safe keeping was lost in shadow. There is no coat/gun check, so accidentally leaving it in the booth is totally plausible.

The food was passable. It was maybe one notch higher than an Olive Garden, but way lower than Milano's in Tiburon.

So why did I go? Well, morbid fascination really. It's that weird thing about trying to connect with death, visit the mind of a potential killer, to sit where the star of Electra Glide In Blue sat, all sorts of reasons. Plus, I was hungry.

So, What’s Up?

AZ ADVENTURE

I was in Arizona over Memorial Day. It solidified the theory that you can never go home again. It was never really my home, just a place where I lived for a few years. It had it’s ups and it had its downs, but overall it was a nice experience.

I was staying at my friend Laura’s house. She is the owner of dogs. Three dogs. Three very large, I mean big, dogs. I am not one of those people who sees a medium sized dog and claim it as large. I am not a fan of those toy dog things that seem to be so prevalent in Los Angeles. Whenever I see one, I feel like seeing what my punting skills are like. Anyway, back to the big dogs.

Two of them are greyhounds; she’s a greyhound freak. She has the Greyhound taxi sign on the side of her car and if I rummaged through her closet, which I pondered, I’d discover a t-shirt that reads, “Greyhounds do it with speed”.

She also owns a dog whose breed I can’t pin down. It falls under that, skittish but want to play, confused breeds.

So, I’m sleeping and I do one of those late night shifts in sleep, open eyes to adjust moves that I’m common of doing. Staring back at me with her head on the pillow is one of the greyhounds, Fortuna. This caused an instant reaction for me. See, Greyhounds have very long pointy-heads. Paint it orange and it looks like an orange traffic pylon.


(Fortuna as she looks regularly...


...and with traffic cone on head. You will notice that the color is really the only difference.)


They also have eyes that are large and look pinned back. My depth perception was off due to mid-sleep shifting and I get the impression that an eight-foot long dog head is staring at me. I jump a little, but Fortuna doesn’t move. She just keeps her head on the pillow and follows me with her eyes.

This was apparently the dogs way of playing alpha with ma and letting me know this was her house. Then she closed her eyes, stretched her legs out to jab me in the side and went back to sleep. Crazy fuckin’ dog.

VAN ON FIRE

I was back in CA for one day when a van outside the apartment decided it was time to end its run on this planet and mysteriously catch on fire. We smelled the smoke inside and started looking around to see if we were on fire. Went outside to see if the complex was on fire and discovered the van blazing out on the street. Fire trucks could be heard a couple of blocks away and all of the neighbors stood around, too close, watching it burn. The owner didn’t seem to be present and I think we were all around waiting to see the owner react more than we were there to watch the fire go out. Unfortunately all we got to see was the van melt down and not its owner.

The firemen were very nonchalant when it cam to putting the fire out. They stood around moving slowly to hook things up and looked bored when the hoses finally started up.

Overall, very uneventful, but it reminded me that I was really back in Los Angeles.

Wax On, Wax AAAAAAFFF

So I’m heading to Tucson and figure I might be getting some swimming time in, so I’m going through the whole modern male clean up process.

I am of Italian decent, southern Italy none the less, which means I am one of those animals that tends to run on the furry side. On a 1-10 scale, I’ll rate Robin Williams and Sasquatch at 10 and one of those people with "no hair" disease at 1. I fall into about a 5 category (yes ladies you may now be repulsed). Personally I dig the chest hair thing. It makes me feel grown up even though I act out like a third grader a lot.

So I hop on down to the Rite-Aid to pick up some removal cream. Now, I’ve done it in the past and this is not a fun chore. So I’m reading over a couple of products to find something new and preferably longer lasting. I garb a box of stuff that claims to be non-burning, all natural, blah, blah, blah.

I get home open it up and fuck me if it’s not a type of wax. Spatula, cloth strips the whole deal. Not what I wanted and no indication of it being listed as such on the box. But, I just shelled over the cash, so I’ll give it a shot.

If you have ever applied stuco to a wall, this is worse. The shit sticks to everything, it hurts going on and it’s impossible to get a decent spread, so you’re doing small areas at a time. Simple directions, apply with the grain of the hair, smooth down strip, quickly remove strip against the grain. Guaranteed no burning. There is that fucking no burning again. Yeah, thanks pal, I doubt burning is the problem I’m going to have here.

Count down, 3…2…1…YANK!

MUTHER FUKER!!!!!!!

Done! No more! I’ll blow the cash and go with the burning. This green gel strip of cloth is holding a patch of chest hair and you can actually see the ball at the end of the follicle that has been forced out of it’s home. My chest is bright red and I’ve got a couple of blood splots. It’s that “40 Year Old Virgin” scene and I don’t even have a little old asian lady to scream at.

Luckily I did it over my chest ink, so you can’t see the missing patch too clearly.

Vanity is not my friend.

Crazy Train

So my head has been all over the place the last few days and it doesn’t seem to be slowing down.

Lots up anger, lots of frustration. I’ve been keeping it in check, but really just haywire in my skull. I’ve been doing all of the things that I do to help figure out what the problem is.

It’s the 21st, so that means there are potentially sobriety date issues involved. Going back and forth on caffeine and trying to limit smoking that could be part of it. There is the subconscious turning 35 that might be involved. I may also have another kidney stone, which never helps. It has this way of sending the system in every possible direction.

Then there is the lack of exercise. I think, that my body has gotten so used to it that now I have to keep going in order help stay balanced. I’m sure my brain would go back to its slothful ways over a week or so, but it really seems to be fighting something.

I don’t think I’m having any real psych issues. (At least none that I am consciously aware of.) I’m fine on the money for now, I have a potential job, the show is a little stressful, but I’m finding answers to problems.

It’s probably a little of everything and I need to find the center again. It’s a lot like those little puzzles with the bee-bees inside. You’ve got to keep re-evaluating and make adjustments to try and get it in the clowns nose. It’s always just a fraction off and grows frustrating and you toss it across the room. My life is cardboard clown’s face with my sanity a little bee-bee. I’d toss myself across the room, but we’ve got hardwood floors and I’m wearing shorts. I hate skinned up knees…unless there is crazy sex involved.

35 Up

So I’m officially 35. Holy shit!

It’s actually a good day so far. Conversation with a beautiful woman, bought a couple of DVD’s. Gabe decided to tell everyone it’s my birthday, so I’m getting “old fart” e-mails. Look’s like Gabe needs another beating. You’d think he would have learned after the first one I gave him for being Hispanic.

I’ve only been feeling one piece of trauma and that’s going to the gym. I’m blowing it off today and going crazy eating In-N-Out and El Compadres for dinner. Plus there was a Twix and a bag of Smart Food I’ll tear into tonight when I’m watching one of my flicks.

The gym thing is simple. Whenever I get on the treadmill it asks for all sorts of info. Duration of walk/run, weight, age, incline. It’s the age thing that’s odd. I’ve spent the last year entering 34 and watching me decrease the weight info. Now I have to up the age. It is actually stressing me out a little. I want the machine to flash a message through its LED’s telling me that 35 is the new 25 or something. So tomorrow I’ll face my biggest challenge.

I’ve also had a couple thoughts about stopping the podcast. I realized it was because I’m afraid of the challenge. It comes bubbling up into my brain as boredom, but I realize I’m just scared of finding the challenge of making the episode better. So I stepped up and started looking for new things to try. I’m enjoying the process of strengthening these problem-solving powers. It’s a necessary thing to do if you want to create and it’s a very important thing to do as you get older, keep learning and stretching.

Example: Clint Eastwood. This guy could have still been making mediocre movies and starring across an orangutan if he wanted. Instead he sets his political beliefs aside and starts looking at the world with fresh eyes. He could have stopped and simply made “Flags Of Our Fathers”, but when given the inspiration of making a companion film from the Japanese perspective, he dove right in and made a really great film that far surpasses it’s predecessor. This guy is in his late 70’s early 80’s (I think) and just doing remarkable work.

I should take a page from good ol’ Clint’s book and just keep growing. I’d rather keep moving in that direction than wondering how much longer my dick is going to work.

Oh man, how much longer is my dick going to work?

Give A Little Bit pt. 2

You are right anonymous reader. I did cheat you and basically shit all over it with my empty pimping of the podcast.

So I’m here to apologize.

I will no longer use the podcast in any more entries unless it is organic.

So that being said I will tell you a black out story that has nothing to do with electricity.

My good friend Jack was living with me for a while and we were drinking buddies. Now jack drinks, but I DRINK…DRANK.

So one night we picked up a bottle of Whiskey from the local Safeway. It was some cheap shit that had a deer on the label and the catch phrase, “Master Of All He Surveys”. Yeah, good stuff. And you do feel like you are master of all you survey after finishing off a bottle of it with some pills and a couple of joints. As a matter of fact you see double of all that you survey. That’s a lot to master!

All right, we drive back to the house after drinking by the bay and our roommate (not to be named) and her boyfriend are home. Jack and I are smashed and we’re loud and all that crap. We’re burning disks of each other's music, talking film, relationships and all the other stuff you do when you are drunk and not in the back of a police car.

At some point I say I’m going to get something from my room and as soon as I see the bed, it’s nighty-night for John-O.

I wake up the next morning around 8ish and feel like garbage. Dragging myself out to the kitchen, I start the day with a six-pack and I’m feeling good again. Jack wakes up at about 10 and unnamable roommate and boyfriend had left before I got up.

Jack asks if I heard the roomie and beau banging away in the middle of the night. I slept right through it. Now let me preface this by saying that the unnamable were not an attractive couple. When I say unattractive, I mean fucking ugly. Like one gene away from Elephant men… All right not that bad, but not attractive, accept to each other. Jack launches into the story of the screaming and shouting and verbal stuff that I have thankfully blocked out. I do believe at one point the phrase, “hammer down” was used, but I can’t be sure.

So I was then and am now very grateful to have been blacked out during those festivities. It would have been one of those visuals that would scar me for life.

And in a way this story wraps back around to last night’s entry of love, sex and black outs.

Fine, so it doesn't, but it does have all the elements of sex, drugs and rock & roll.

Give A Little Bit

So, I’ve been having a lot of “love” coincidences recently. This isn’t about my love life or anything sappy, just some very bizarre moments that have made me think about the subject of love.

Incident #1: I was given a book to read called KILLING YOURSELF TO LIVE by Chuck Klosterman. It’s a "kind of" true story about this reporter from Spin magazine traveling across the country visiting locations where famous rock stars have died. He spends most of it contemplating the women in his life and what they have meant to him. He ponders love and all that it entails. I had just finished the chapter where that giant black out happened in NYC and instead of riots or crazy shit happening, every one just danced and partied and enjoyed each other. This lead directly into…

Incident #2: I spent the rest of the evening watching SHORTBUS. It’s the John Cameron Mitchell movie that has real sex in it. It’s main focus is on the balancing of emotional and physical love. A good movie, not great, but well worth the time (if you can deal with guys swallowing their own jizm.) Now the climax of the film, (pun intended) is when everyone’s lives have gone nuts and things are at there lowest, the NYC black out happens.

“Huh”, I say to myself, “That’s some pretty weird coincidental psycho-nutsy- stuff happening.” Two things both dealing with love, relationships and the NYC black out are tossed at me on the same day.

So where do I stand on this. I know love is a human creation, designed to represent emotions that make us feel hopeful and strong. The feelings that keep us going versus the feelings that tear our brain from our skulls when we know we are just spots of dust on the edge of the void. Love is a good thing. Love heals… kind of.

So I walk out to the living room thinking about these two things that have happened and all of this pondering I am doing about the nature of love when I turn on the tv and what is on?

Incident #3: 2046 by Wong Kar-Wai. Kar-Wai is the most romantic filmmaker in the world. He doesn't make, "hope-filled-gooey-ain’t-love-grand-full of fluffy-bunnies" crap. He makes films about love that deal with the great ups and all of the frustrating messy parts that are a part of any relationship. It’s awesome, because you feel so much for the good times and completely understand the arguments and why people can’t say what they feel; because they might not understand those feelings yet.

It was the embodiment of everything that had been passing through my skull that night, after all of this philosophizing that had been tossed on me. All of this in a four-hour period, just nuts, right?

Love is great, love sucks, love is messy and convoluted and you can’t live without it. Well you can, but then life gets kind of boring.

Now I’m going to screw this up by going all shallow on you.
Check out the Film Geek Primer podcast. This week we talk about Russ Meyer. Nothing about love in it, but it does have boobs. And who doesn’t love boobs?

And Now For Something Completely Typical

I think I am one of those people who do better on the phone or through e-mail than I do in real life.

Maybe I’m underestimating myself. Yeah, I’m underestimating myself. Change of topic.

Have I ever cheated on a girlfriend? Yes. Did I enjoy it? Yes. Like I’m supposed to lie here. It had nothing to do with that, "stuck with the same person" shtick that you get with so many people having an affair. I wanted the rush and that’s what I got. This is truly the sign of a person with an addictive personality. I’ll say that because I don’t think I’m one of those “X-treme” types of guys. I don’t need to jump out of a hot air balloon with a bungee-chord velcroed to my balls to get a thrill. Hmmm, well I might try it once.

Why am I bringing this up? I dunno, why not.

Have I ever used a needle? No. Does that leave a lot of things open that I have done? Yes. Are there a lot of things I’ve done that nobody knows about? Kind of. It’s parsed amongst several people who would never be in the same room together. Friends, relatives, ex’s, drunks and junkies (both practicing and clean) put them all together and they could tell you all about me. But that would never happen.

Did I ever tell you about Helen? She was my crack whore neighbor. No? Nice lady, a little out of it, crazy as a cockroach on raid. Once after we’d smoked a couple of bowls and downed some silver bullets, she tried to give my roommate Billy a lap dance. Helen was about four foot six and three hundred plus pounds. Billy was five-eleven and maybe one-forty. It was not pretty, to say the least.

One time I was interviewing Helen with my video camera, for posterity. We were talking about misadventures and the embolism that almost killed her. I got up to go grab some more beer. Actually it was malt liquor that day. Steel Reserve, give it a try, it’s awful. So I’m in the kitchen, come back out and we resume the idle chat. I’m watching the tape later and I hit the spot where Helen was alone and I’m speeding through it but she starts talking to the camera. I rewind to check this out. Her face gets serious and her neck gets frighteningly long as she stretches her head towards the camera. Then with one of the truest threats I have ever heard, she says, “And you will never take my John away from me, Christina Aguilera!”

Huh? I’m not sure where that came from. There was never any talk about Ms. Aguilera or any kind of clue as to why this statement was necessary. For some reason in Helen’s head, a video camera was somehow a link to the pop star and just in case Christina were out there watching this somehow, Helen wanted to make it very clear that I was not going to be hers. My three hundred pound crack whore, keeping me safe from the floozies of the world.

Though I would have liked to have seen that fight. Hair extensions would have flown that day, I tell you.

Specific Thoughts About Nothing

Can’t sleep, feeling random. I think it was the sugar that did it. I haven’t had processed sugar in a couple of weeks and tonight I loaded up on Snickers and Twix. Why? Because I could; So shove that existentialist point of view up your snout.

When you’re a straight guy and you get to spend time talking to a woman. That’s a good thing, makes you feel a little better about yourself.

When you are used to spending weekends cutting shows together and for the first time in several weeks you have nothing to cut. It’s an odd feeling; like something is missing and you can’t quite place your finger on it.

When you throw a grenade into a friend’s car because you have to kill him for fear that he’s going to rat you out to Forest Whitaker; you know you’ve been watching a lot of The Shield.

When you think about someone who you haven’t been in contact with for over ten years, but the thought of them makes you smile; you know they were a special person to you.

When you wonder why there are more questions to life then answers, you know you’re truly growing.

When you find yourself jerking off more than three times a day, you need to find a better hobby.

When you’re a kid on the playground and the other kids wont play with you, wait until high school and slit their tires.

When your boss is a true asshole and you want out of the job, don’t forget to empty the register on your way out the door.

When you’re bored and get tired of surfing the net, go re-watch Film Geek Primer.

When your last “when” is about plugging your own podcast, it’s time to hang it up and try to go to sleep again.

Right after I go slit the tires of this douche bag across the street.

Busy, Busy, Busy…And Not Making A Dime

That’s how it goes in the world today, I guess. Anything you want to do, you do for free. Anything you have to do, there’s a possible paycheck involved.

It’s been an odd past few days. Someone has decided to be me and charge their medical bills to my checking account. Since someone is impersonating me, it makes me wonder what I am stricken with. Maybe I have meta-polio or meta-herpes.

Life is a lot easier when you can add meta to the front of it. Think of the worst thing possible and then add meta to it. Meta-cancer, meta-AIDS, meta-overdue bills, meta-kick to the crotch. No big deal, right? It’s all “play it as it lays” in the metaverse.

So my other me is out there right now buying artificial limbs or prescription drugs with my cash, real cash not meta-cash, and I get to revel in the fact that my medical problems are just meta. This makes me feel a little better about this violation of my bank account. It’ll all get fixed and I’ll get my money back. My doppelganger will be happy with his or her new quad-cane and the only people who end up screwed is the medical company who didn’t check for id. I guess it could be tough to ask for a guy’s wallet when he has no arms and you’re holding his prosthetics in a bag waiting for his card to be approved.

All right, back to life. Screw that, I’m going back to my meta-life. Tonight I’m going to get meta-laid after making some major meta-cash and hit Nico Nico for some awesome meta-sushi.

Actually sushi sounds good…Oh, right no real money.

Old Projects

Here are a couple of pieces I did for The Megan Mullally Show web site that were never put up for various reasons.






This one was put up because it was very show-centric.




Hope you enjoyed them.

Thanks Faceless Readers

I know there are people out there who I know personally that read this. I also know that there are people I don’t know who read this. It’s what happens when you toss stuff out into the bolgosphere (I have no idea how it’s spelled. I’m just using my own twisted logic).

But over the past few days, my podcast (Film Geek Primer) has been getting traffic from the link (in the sidebar) and I just want to say thanks to anybody who checks it out. We’re not making a dime off this thing (yet) and it’s really more a labor of love. We really enjoy doing it and hope people really enjoy watching it. It’s not perfect, but with a budget of zero dollars, it’s not total crap either.

I’m always looking to improve and I appreciate creative criticism. When you’re deeply involved you miss certain things. I know Schu isn’t always that clear because he’s over the phone and I’m working on that, you’ll see how much more improved it is in the next couple of episodes.

They’ll only get better as we get more creative and start pushing the limits of what we think we can do. That’s what life is all about. Push those limits, baby!

So drop me an email either from here or the website and let me know what you think. Even a scathing review is more helpful than silence.

So thank you I really am grateful that people are checking it out. And to our Canadian, Chinese and Malaysian viewers…what’s the weather like over there?

Just an Update

I’ve been lazy and not keeping up to date with this blog. My apologies to anyone who is in desperate need of reading material.

I’ve been working nonstop on the new podcast because it’s so much damn fun. We’ve got two episodes up, two in the can and scripts for two more that are going to be shot this weekend.

All of us who are working on it are having a blast and it’s become quite the creative community that we’re forming to try to make a better show each week.

As for me, life moves on. I’m hoping that a job will come along soon, but my Unemployment just kicked in so I’ll have money for the next few months, which takes a lot of weight off.

Nikki and I have stopped seeing each other because she has gotten to the point where she wants a relationship and it’s something that I just can’t handle at this point in time. We’ll probably go back to being friends in the near future, but right now our emotions are just a little too sensitive to talk to each other. It’s too bad really. I think she’s a great person and I enjoy spending time with her. The emotions just aren’t there though and I’d rather not be in a relationship with her than be in a lie. It’s no good for either of us and I want her to find someone that could reciprocate. Oh, well.

So, what’s next for me? Well, I’m just doing the show, keeping my skills sharp, smoking again (awful), and moving forward.

That’s really all there is at this time. Sorry I couldn’t supply any juicier information, but it’s really just me and the show right now.

John: Year One

That’s right folks, one year ago today I was on the road in my U-Haul blazing my trail down to Los Angeles. It’s been an interesting ride since then and a very educational one as well. I’ve learned a little bit about myself and a little bit about the industry in which I wish to serve. There have been some bumps along the way and there have been some major highs as well.

So how should I celebrate this occasion? Hmm, what could I do to make it special. Not just for me, but you my fellow readers as well?


I’ll tell you what. Let’s make today a turning point. A new endeavor that we can go on together. That sounds like it could be fun, no?

Well folks, today I am happy to announce the launching of a new podcast. It has been put together by: Myself, Gabe, Aaron and Schu. We’ve spanned two states to get this sucker together and today on the anniversary of my landing in Los Angeles we launch.

This is a video podcast called Film Geek Primer and it’s just that, a show that teaches you how to be a film geek.

So,

CHECK OUT THE SHOW!

We’ve got four episodes in the can, are shooting new ones on a weekly basis, and will be putting up a new one each week. We have a place on MySpace, so add us to your friends list. We need all the help we can get.

We’ll also be available through itunes and other pod feeds, so keep your eyes open.

The object is to create a community so a forum and a wiki are being set up to create an environment that everyone can play around with and help us build a great film geek database.

We’ll also be taking polls on what shows we should make and you will be able to vote in our upcoming “Geek Fights”. Fun stuff. So if you like movies and enjoy a bunch of guys making fools of their own existence, be sure to book mark the site and watch it weekly or subscribe through other sources.

One year and I’ve accomplished something. Not bad. Lets see what will happen over the next 12 months and see if something fun comes out of it, or will I fall into that spiral of shame and cast my soul into the vortex.

(That’s my cliffhanger!)

Cheers y’all and here’s to another year of growth and… uh, growth.

Lost In Translation

So about a month ago I responded to this add on Craig’s List. A woman was looking for someone to run lines with. I responded for the hell of it and got a phone call about an hour later. Her Name is Eriko and we chatted for a bit. She’s from Japan and her English is decent, but she needs time to process what you’re saying so it is best to speak slow…not an easy job for someone with a machine gun mouth. I’m not as bad as a Scorsese or the guy from the Micro Machine adds, but I’m pretty rapid fire.

So we finish our conversation and she asks me to call her back on Sunday, I call back, get nothing but a busy signal for the few times I try and give up. Move on.

This afternoon I get a phone call from her to ask if I could meet for coffee and see if I, "can be of use to her". So I go to Starbucks to meet her and she’s pretty damned stunning. We are talking for a few minutes and I can see that there is a bit of a communications problem. My assignment: Help her work through a couple of questions she has to Ask Halle Berry for some interview an the local Japanese station. She has to get to another meeting, but wants to meet later this evening to go over them.

She callsa little while later to say her meeting is running late and will call me back. I take this as the Japanese polite thing where they can’t tell you “Thanks, but no thanks”. Whatever, I’ve got movies to watch.

Around 9:30 I get a call from her and she asks for some help on a question she needs to ask Ms. Berry. So I am trying to explain to her that the question she is asking does not sound polite and needs some rephrasing, but she keeps telling me that I did not understand what she wanted.

Here’s the question she wrote:

“I read when you moved to Los Angeles you lived in a shelter, what were you thinking?”

Now I understood what she was trying to ask. She wanted to know what was going on in Halle’s head as she was experiencing the situation of living in a shelter. Not, “You idiot, why would you stay in a shelter?” But my attempts to explain this just frustrated her. She kept saying, “I’m from Japan.” Yeah, honey, got it, no road map needed. I worked on talking slow and carefully explained that the way she had phrased it was rude. Rudeness is something the Japanese understand. They cut off fingers and jump off rooftops because of the whole respect thing, so rude should be right up her ally.

So finally she says that she would really like to work with me and when a script comes in, she’ll give me a call so I can help her learn her lines and “explain” what is going on. This situation though needs someone who will simply phrase the question and that’ll be it. No problem. I got a free coffee out of it and hung out with a hot Japanese girl for a bit. I wasn’t doing anything important and there were worse things I could have done with my time.

On a whim I decide to look her up on line and see what results I get. Come to find out this chic was a fucking superstar in Japan who has come to America to make it big. She was the Britney Spears of Japan and was in a ton of television and even had a cartoon about her.

So now three things run through my brain. First, I bet almost every teenage guy in Japan would have castrated himself to sit where I sat today. Second. I’m not sure anymore if her issue was a language barrier or much like Ms. Spears, the poor thing just ain’t that bright. The third and one I find most noggin numbing, maybe she really did want to know what the hell was Halle thinking about staying in a shelter. There are a ton of decent hotels around after all.

The English-speaking world may never know.

Friggin’ Frustratin’

So the new project that is being worked on is a video blog. It’s fun stuff and I think adds something new to the program and not just more redundant info. We have two episodes shot and completed and begin working on the next three today. It’s a lot of fun and very exciting.

Here’s the frustration, the intro. See, I usually put an intro together first just to get my blood pumping and help sell the idea to the people I want involved in it. I usually use a piece of music by a band that fits the atmosphere of what the show is going to be like. So I put it all together and it does it’s job. Everyone gets excited and we start putting the show together.

Now the problem was trying to get permission to use the song. Since we’re going to make money off of this sucker, we need permission to use the song. So I decide to be the pro and start emailing around to find out how we get permission. I know that they are going to want money, but I cross fingers and pray that I can make them understand we are doing this for zero dollars and could we swing some sort of deal.

The answer is a “No” and if we get some money in the future for licensing, give them a buzz. Yeah, sure we will, no problem.

I have spent the past few days hmming and hawing over what to do. I’ve gone to all these sites where you can buy a piece of music for 20 bucks but they are pretty generic and well… pretty much suck. Plus I’m so attached to the original intro that it’s hard for me to think outside of it and look for something new. Our original really pinpointed who was involved with the show and our basic role. So I’m trying to let go and be open to find a piece of music that is usable, but so far no go.

Hence the friggin’ frustration. I want to launch on April 7th in honor of my one-year anniversary of being in Los Angeles. Hopefully an answer will be discovered and we can launch on time.

Grrrrrrr.

Catch Up

It’s been a while and I’ve been just movin’ along. Applying for jobs, working on new projects, just keepin’ on bein’ John. For better or worse, that’s the situation.

Here’s an image from the new project. The pilot should be done soon and we’ll be working on the first couple of episodes this week. I’d like to do two a week, but I’m starting to get the feeling that may prove to be an issue. So I’ll try to make it at last one a week. I want to keep it moving and keep it current. The more you’ve got out there the more interest you can keep. That’s my theory at least.

So here ya go and I’ll be letting you know more soon.

Couch Change

I've started putting up clips on REVVER which is like You Tube, but you can make cash off of it.

I'm testing it out by embedding some of the shorts here. I'll put up new stuff as I finish it up.

So check them out and let's see if I can make a few pennies off of these suckers.

Enjoy.

Huh

I don't know where this came from, who made it, or its purpose, but I'm sold.

This takes viral video to a whole new level.

New Photo's

Some new pics from my journey on the Metro Rail

Just 'Cuz

Here are a few odds and ends.

I went to the marketing machine that is the M&M site. The comercials told me to and you should always do what commercials say.

Here's an interpretation on me as an M&M.



I know what you're thinking, "I've never wanted to fuck an M&M so much before in my life!"

Now a clip from a guy I've known since my public access watching days in Tucson. Ladies and Gentlmen, Mr. Harvey Sid Fisher.


You do nt mess with musical genius like that. I think the dancer was kicked off of the Laker Girls squad for just plain ole' sucking.


Here is a painting by Alex Colville that I discovered and like a lot.



This one is a little rough, but just remember, it's totally natural and a part of him.



And we'll wrap it up with a painting that Nikki did that always gives me a chuckle.



It looks like I've got cock on the brain tonight. Read into that what you will.

The Lives Of Others

I was part of an Oscar pool last night and the goal was to win. So when it came to best foreign film I was forced to choose what I thought would win. So I settled on Pan’s Labyrinth. I felt bad because I wanted The Lives of Others to win. It was the best "getting it wrong" moment I felt all evening. Nikki and I actually cheered when it beat Pan’s; not that Pan’s Labyrinth was bad, I rather liked it. Nikki found I boring, which was a surprise, but it’s filmmaking could not be denied.

Lives writer/director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, a first time filmmaker created a movie so intense, so emotionally engaging and such a timeless piece of cinema that I would claim that it was actually the best picture of 2006. Ye it even beats out Children Of Men in my book. Hell he should win just for his name alone. How much of his life has been taken up just telling people, then teaching them how to pronounce it properly? This is not a good example of German efficiency.


The story revolves around Stasi officer who is in charge of spying on the life of a playwright and his actress girlfriend. It has all sorts of agendas interweaving throughout and it becomes such a stunning movie about transformation that it puts those cars into robots things to shame. (Yes I just compared the best film of 2006 to a Hasbro toy line.)

It also reminds me of a thing Kevin Smith wrote, “More often than not, a hero’s most epic battle is the one you never see; it’s the battle goes on within him or herself.” This is a movie about those changes within people, how they react to it and how a controlling government attempts to crush it. A government can destroy the body, but we decide whether or not we allow them to destroy our soul.

For me the strongest aspect was art versus politics. Something that I have always and will always have strong feelings about. There is no more important a voice than art and to me it is the ultimate form of freedom of speech. When it is good, it transcends its author/s and becomes it’s own entity. That’s kind of crazy. It’s like a big bang on a microcosmic level. People can debate about Citizen Kane and who is responsible for it, but at the end of the day, it’s Citizen Kane, end of story.


Anyway I just want to congratulate Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck on making a really great movie, winning an award that he justly deserves and on having a name that is just fucking nuts.

A Little Catch-Up

Sorry folks, it’s been a while so here’s a quick list of what I’ve been up to.

Applied for several jobs
Saw a couple movies at the DGA
Lost 40 bucks at poker
Ate 12 York peppermint patties
Met with some agents
Played in a Hearts tournament
Got laid several times
Visited the Magritte exhibit
Had dinner with a ton of family members I didn’t know
Wrote a few short scripts for a project
Watched some television I haven’t seen in a while and have come to some very solid conclusions.


TV Conclusions:

24
is just a wonky show. I know I’m seeing episodes that are taking place after the show has apparently jumped the shark, but it’s just a poorly put together show. It looks like ass, it’s acted like ass and it’s written like ass. If I have to see that button nosed pouty girl furrow her brow in concern one more time, I’m going punch my roommate in the junk.

Lost
is exactly that. I have no faith in the writers to have any excuse for what is going on. It’s boring and takes itself way too seriously now. Remember when there used to be some chuckles? Not any more. There also used to be a cast. I’m hoping they are getting paid for all of the work they’ aren’t doing.

Heroes:
is fine, but I don’t see what the big deal is. Too many characters and not a lot happens from episode to episode. Whatever the big information is, usually pops up in the last five minutes of the show and most of the time you just get run of the mill sideline adventures.

I’d rather be working, playing cards, getting laid, watching movies or writing than spending the amount of time I have watching this stuff. Worst part, I’ll watch them all next week so I have more to complain about. It’s like crack this tv stuff is.

By Request: Alan J. Pakula

Pakula was one of those filmmakers who had an incredible run in the 70’s. He basically was the guy who cornered the paranoia market with three key films.

The first was Klute, a mystery about a missing business man and a prostitute being stalked by a psychotic client. Could they be the same person? Hmmm, no actually.

This movie is one of those masterpieces that very few people take the time to appreciate. Its pacing, lighting, music and cutting are really impressive and display levels of information that you need to pay attention to.

More important are the character arcs. Jane Fonda received and academy award as Brie Daniels the prostitute/actress who is trying to find herself. Her scenes with a therapist (pre cliché) are really impressive and watching her struggle with who she wants to be and who she really is, is just a knock out. Think of the flip side to Naomi Watts character in Mullholland Drive.


Donald Sutherland never gets any praise for this movie and deserves tons. He is subtle at portraying the investigator who just gets it. His slow turn as he falls for Fonda’s character is just magnificent and it’s the small things that add up to something very big. It’s like watching Robert Forrester in Jackie Brown.

Pakula handles the plot and the characters with a deft hand keeping the tension mounting and the people growing with out a hiccup.


The next film in this trilogy was The Parallax View. This was almost a science fiction film in a weird way. Warren Beatty is a small time reporter who investigates a Kennedy-esque assassination and discovers a corporation that trains killers. Is it a little over the top? Yes. Is it probable? Doubtful, but a great ride made spooky with the help of keeping it rooted in the reality of the time. With Warren Commission style bookends, it reminds us that there may be something bigger and badder out there pulling the strings.


The third film would be the one that sealed the deal. This time based on fact. All The President’s Men would bring home a Best picture Oscar and prove that Pakula could direct the hell out of a picture. He made a movie tense when everyone already knew the outcome. Plus the shot of Redford and Hoffman in the library looking for a checked out book just sums up the entire experience Woodward and Bernstein must have felt they were going through.

Pakula would go on to direct some real pieces of crap like Rollover in 1981. Or his last film The Devil’s Own in 1997 with Harrison Ford and Brad Pitt. Even with that kind of talent involved it was utterly forgettable.

He did have a few other successes, like Sophie’s Choice and the decent little B thriller Consenting Adults. He did have one large success in his later years with The Pelican Brief, dipping his toe back into conspiracies and thrills. Pelican never did reach the heights of his original trilogy, but it did have a few good moments including a parking garage sequence that he somehow made original after the device had been used to death over the years.

Oh, yeah. He also Produced To Kill A Mockingbird. That’s an important fact to remember.

Pakula died in an auto accident on the L.I.E. in 1988. This is one of those fact that I always remember because Paul Dano mentions it in the movie L.I.E.

He contributed to that great era of filmmaking in the 70’s and stands among other underrated filmmaker’s like Sidney Lumet and John Schlesinger. Guys that were never as hip as the Scorsese’s or Spielberg's, but just as influential.

Nomenclature

I'm looking for a new word and you , yes you, can help.

A new name for a friendship where carnal knowledge is involved, but not construed as dating.

This has been known as "fuck buddies" or "friends with privlidges", but I'm looking for something new. It can be funny, but I'm on the search for a word that has a certain level of mutual respect involved.

Suggestions so far include: Fuddys, sexxers and ASSociates (for the gay set).

Roll Over

Not the shitty Allan J. Pakula movie, but that action we take for granted.

There was a time when we couldn’t roll over. This time was called infancy. Then one day, “Plunk” we rolled over. This event has just happened for my non-nephew Izzy.

“Non-nephew” sounds a little weird, but he’s not my nephew by blood and “jewphew” makes me sound more anti-Semitic than I already am. So please send any ideas on how I can define this little guy in two words or less.

To him I’m the loud chap who is always drinking stuff out of a green bottle. I’ll end up being labeled “Uncle Dew” when he starts naming people in the speaking stage.

Stay on Target, John.

So Izzy learns to roll over and AG catches it on video. He then uploads it to YouTube so family members can see it. Here it is.



It’s not a Kurosawa film, but you can see the interest to family members. Plus it’s just an odd moment in life. At some point in time, every single one of us rolled over for the first time.

So this clip is posted and what do we find? A fuckin' flurry of these things, check it out!





They’re everywhere. It’s porn for the new parent set. You can just keep getting off on watching babies roll over.

I want a site where top-heavy women struggle to flip onto their stomachs, but their ginormous breasts keep them from doing it. You can hear old people cheering and applauding off camera, “Come on honey, just a little push. You can do it. Do it for Gram Gram.”

Yeah, yeah, John is disgusting. He’s equating innocent babies rolling over with porn. But think of it this way my oh-so naive friends it’s the first step.

1. Roll over
2. Crawl
3. Walk
4. Turn on TV
5. Watch giant breasted women turn over.

It’s you’re glee at this first step in the child’s evolution that gets them where I’m already at.

So Izzy my boy, as soon as you’re ready, Uncle Dew is going to have www.rollovertitties.com ready for ya!

Keep livin’ the dream kid, keep livin’ the dream.

In Space No One Can Hear You F*@k

The first space soap opera.

Space Drama

It's got everything: Jealousy, international space stations, diapers!

Plus I like how they chose a photo so the lady looks like she's been partying with Nick Nolte and Rip Torn.

While I Was Gone

Friday 1/26/07
10:30 AM
I have been sorting through boxes of stuff to figure out what to keep and what to toss. I came across a box full of old journals, notebooks, scripts, etc.
I kept most of the scripts and looked through the journals. It was a fascinating discovery. To read all of this stuff by a person I could identify with, but no longer knew. The amount of change and growth that has taken place for me over the past several years is actually impressive. Not that there aren’t moments when I can feel the want to revert, but my mind is in a very different space then where it was even two years ago.

I’d like to say that the most change happened when I cleaned up, but that’s not the case. A lot of learning had taken place while I was drinking and using, but it all seemed to snap into place when I finally did get my shit together. So, not too shabby.

If I can keep up this growth ratio, I’ll be one hell of a guy when I reach my 60’s.

8:46 PM

Took care of a bunch of business today and I’ve been eating like shit. Actually I’ve been eating like shit for a few weeks now. That’s all ending soon. Time to reach a few physical goals since I’m unemployed and can focus on that, plus it helps keep the budget down.

So I’m going through a box full of pictures and I realize something…how many of my girlfriends have I taken boudoir photos of? Most of them, apparently. Is this common? Is it my photo fetish that allows me to convince them to do this? All I know is I’ve got a lot of them and I have to say, I haven’t done that bad in the girlfriend department. They have been an attractive bunch all around. I can guarantee you I never photographed the trolls.

That’s just mean. Unfortunately it is also true. I’m a real shit.


Saturday 1/27/07
8:40 AM

A banging at the front door at 8:15, it was the gas man. That’s impressive. The gas company told me he’d be here between 8 am and 7 pm. Pretty nuts, right? So I’d written off the day, but guess again.

I answer the door and the guy says, “Gas Man.” Best part, he’s got one of those mustaches that has the waxed tips, like a bad guy from a silent movie. I had to work not to try and poke at it.

What makes a guy decide that is going to be his statement? I’m not going to get my ear pierced, or a tattoo of a propane tank across my chest, I’m gonna wax my mustache. That says, “I’m me. Look out world, I’m fucking here!”

Although it could just be so he doesn’t burn his mustache off sticking his head inside ovens and heaters all day.

Sunday 1/28/07

10:22 AM

Spent the rest of yesterday getting Gabe moved in and stuff arranged. It rained on and off all day, so that was fun.

We’re off to his place in a few minutes to pick up his remaining items and say adios to Arcadia.

It’s odd I feel like I live in LA more now than I have in the past several months.

So it goes.

Wednesday 1/31/07

Played poker again last night, lost but came in fourth out of ten, so not too bad. The issue being I need to place at least third to get any money.

Everything else has slowed down and the apartment is in order. All the lights have been fixed so we can actually see what we’re doing. I’m still waiting for a mail key, a pain in the ass. I’m dropping off rent tomorrow, so I can complain in person and see if it makes a difference.

Nothing new on the job front, but I’m waiting for internet on Friday so I can really get into it. I’ll need to find something relatively soon. Due to my lack of work over the past year, my unemployment check would only be worth about 97 bucks a week. Whoops.

Thursday 2/1/07

Nuthin’ happened.

Friday 2/2/07

4:03 PM

Hey, I’ve now got internet and cable and Tivo and all that crap. I haven’t had cable for about nine months and haven’t missed it that much. Then after flipping channels for about a half-hour, I realized I still wouldn’t miss it I didn’t have it. There isn’t a lot out there.

Jack is in town, so I’m getting together with him and his girl. I think her name is Rebecca. I’m bad with names.

Tranny Spam And Other Notes

I have officially received my favorite piece of porn spam ever. Instead of telling me about hot wet pussy or giant tits or sluts who go all the way, this one decided to appeal to the educated side of perverts.

Subject Line: tranny movies shakespearian

Really? That’s really how you’re going to sell me? Hold on, let me put on my tweed coat with patches on the elbows and light my pipe.

So what’s the pitch? I know that men played female characters back in Shakespeare’s time, but this is a whole new ballgame (pun intended). Hell if I saw tickets on sale for a group of tranny’s performing Othello, I’d camp out to be first in line. That’s breakthrough fucking theater right there.

Now there was a moment where I knew this could be crap. Click to read and I’m suddenly offered cheap Viagra or how a sheik needs my money and I’ll be rewarded with riches beyond my wildest dreams, but I’ll risk it in hopes of discovering the next level of the Bard’s work.

As I’m sure we both could guess, this was just a link for a trannys fuck all holes site. There was a flourish that got a chuckle from my inner twelve year old.

Actual quote:

They both poured themselves another drink and sat down on the couch. Vanity said, "I have a secret I want to show you.", and she stood up and took off her skirt. Roxy didn’t seem surprised at all. She said, “Good, I need to get fuckedö.”

Fuckedo? With an umlaut? That was first used in Twelfth Night, right?

Is it pronounced ‘fucked-o’, 'fuc-kedo', or ‘fuck-edo’? I like the last one. I just like saying edo, my favorite period in Japanese history. That's not true, the tokogawa period ruled. Now I'm just talking out of my ass.

Back on topic; I know it’s just some spelling error, but man I love that word, especially when I think of it as some tranny jargon.

Tranny 1: Hey Marge, have you seen Cindy?

Tranny 2: Yeah, I’d like to get some fuckedo from that!

Nasty! Unless you’re into that…then good for you.

I think Shakespeare would be proud of this new word being attributed to him, except for the people who believe Marlowe really wrote it. Oh, snap! (Yeah, I just used 'oh, snap'.)

In other news, it looks like I’ll be going off line for a while. The big push on moving takes place on Thursday and I wont have internet access until February 2nd. So I’m not forgetting about you, I mean that from the heart. I’ll be using the internet café down the street to check my emails, but since unemployment keeps me budgeting, I wont be posting. I know you’re depressed, but I’ll be back with all sorts of new adventures of me with my Mexican sidekick. Or being the sidekick to a Mexican, again I’m not sure.

Also, dream job work stuff is in the early cooking stages so hopefully I'll have exciting news on that when I return. Keep your fingers crossed and continue praying to your heathen gods for me.

Herr Hoff

You can tell I'm unemployed when I'm posting this shit all the time.

As we all know, David Hasslehoff is a musical genius. So here he is shooting another load into our eyes.



I do not consider myself a judgemental person, even though I have my moments, so why should I find him repulsive here?

(I can pretty much guarantee that I'm going to be one of those old guys that sits on a bench trying to look up skirts of twenty year olds. I pretty much do that now, so no point in saying that'll change with age.)

Yet I find something creepy as Hof slides up to the girl and "seduces" her into Kitt. I don't know if it's because he's got those squnity eyes, or maybe I'm unsure if he takes himself seriously or not. Plus those hip thrusting/white mans overbite moves just make me feel, well repulsed. I honestly don't have a solid explanation nor will I take the time to analyse further.

I have no problem with the idea of Woody Allen face fucking his adopted daughter, but The Hof is a different reaction.

Maybe I should examine this further.

Re-Animator

Thank you technology. Now that you are getting to the point where you can re-animate the dead you give us one of our greatest icons.

Orville Redenbacher!



What's with that wierd bobbing up and down that he is doing at the end. I know he's supposed to be rocking out, but it looks like he has to pee real bad.


Now if someone would just get on re-animating the "Dunkin' Donuts" guy having sex with the "Where's The Beef" lady we will have reached CGI nirvana.

Pain In My Buttocks

I decided that I was going to put a picture of myself back up in my profile and this stupid Blogger system wont let me do it. I’ve uploaded it to my blog first, no go. Flickr, My Space, and some tool that Blogger recommends, but no go. Actually the Blogger tool would probably work if it weren’t for Windows only. Fucking Apple haters.

So I need to figure that out, but for now it’s more of the man known as Mifune.

So John, what’s been going on?

Moving. A lot of packing boxes and dealing with the whole setting up electric/gas/mail thing that is, as always, an arduous process to go through. If there is one thing that everyone hates, it’s moving; the big furniture especially.

Something you will always hear when moving: Try turning it sideways.

On Work: I really haven’t done much looking. I sent out a few half assed resumes just to say I’ve done something about it, but I’m pretty much resigned to getting moved in before looking for work.

I’ve got irons in the fire as far as the future career goes, but it is way to early to discuss any of that.

It’s funny that I’m not very stressed about it yet. Losing a job as a group of people versus as an individual is a lot more calming. I feel no guilt over losing the job since I did my job and a lot of people thought I did good work. I’m sure I’ll run across some of them in the future. It happens in this business.

So it’s back to packing and enjoying the fact that I don’t have to spend 14 hours a day at a job for a while.

Why Are People So F@*ked Up

So this lady with the ironic last name of Foxton...



Has rasied a squirrel, domesticated it and now dresses it up to takes pictures.

Not only does she take pictures of this critter, but gets all up in your face politically about it.

Here is her statement about the Sadam execution.



See more at: http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/

I'm not making a direct link because I feel you should do the work.

Faith In Film

There are times when that thing you feel is starting to slip is renewed, not just renewed, but a miracle is witnessed and you see the beauty that made you fall in love with something in the first place.

Children Of Men is one of those movies. It is so well made that you can’t help but be swept up in the story, the characters and just the flat out incredible imagery that keeps being thrown at you.

It’s more that just the incredible single takes; it’s how the entire thing is composed. There are shots in a barn that remind you of the best of Tarkovsky. There is a moment in the woods that top Polanski and Kubrick is applauding movie heaven at the shot of Clive Owen running to rescue our pregnant girl.

This is the best thing I’ve seen in a couple of years. I’d say the best piece of cinema since City Of God.



Keep your eyes open, like you could miss it, for the cover art of Pink Floyd's "Animals". It’s a real “Holy shit!” moment.

I’ll see it at least two more times in the theater. This is a real achievement and Alfonso Cuaron is officially a modern master.

The Latest Greatest

1. Happy New Year
2. I’m Unemployed (Show was Cancelled)
3. Moving To New Apartment (Signed lease before unemployed)
4. Feelin’ Fine

So for those of you who were getting bored because I seemed emotionally complacent, good news! I’m sure the emotional rollercoaster will be starting up again soon.