Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Nutball Of The Day

I need to carry my camera with me wherever I go. That is a fault of mine that I must correct.

Case in point:

I was walking down to my friendly neighborhood liquor store this morning to pick up some smokes when I witnessed one of the many Angelinos who have checked out mentally slide further down the rabbit hole

There is this palm shrub on the corner by the store and there was this shirtless guy staring at the shrub, just staring at it. The he started talking to it. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but it seemed like a decent conversation at first. He held out his hand and shook one of the palm branches and made some sort of small talk.


Then he went ape shit! He jumps into the shrub and starts wrestling with it. He’s screaming and shouting at it saying he’ll, “kill you fucker!” He continued to battle the plant and the plant seemed to be winning. He tore at the branches, but nothing would come apart. One moment it actually looked like he was struggling with a branch that was trying to choke him.

It was like in a movie where our hero is struggling with a rubber octopus arm as it tries to wrap itself around him. The actor blatantly manipulating the fake tentacle trying to make it look like the octopus is alive. I think the film was Ed Wood’s, “Bride of the Monster” with Bella Lugosi. Fine I know it was that movie, but I was trying not to sound like too much of a geek.

Back to the story:

So the Nutball of the day is struggling with the palm when he suddenly tosses himself out like he was spit from the beast. Along with him comes a single page from a discarded newspaper. He looks at the shrub and shouts, “Never take my shit again, or I’ll call the cops!”

I can only assume he was talking about the newspaper page, because he then starts kicking it across the street with him as he starts walking away, sliding from side to side as he plays soccer with the newspaper down the street.

I have a feeling that this guy used to be an executive at Disney. At least he got his paper back.

Nutball: 1

Shrub: 0

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Frickin' hysterical. I love the fact that you're probably just standing there, drinking a diet mountain dew, non-chalantly watching. Ha ha is back, and then some. :) s.

Anonymous said...

I know that fucking shrub and I can tell you he is a grade-A JERK! He's the kind of shrub who will knock up your girlfriend and then when she pops out a little half-bush-half-man offspring look you right in the eyes and say, "wasn't me". I'm glad Nutball kicked that shrubs ass. We should all keep a closer eye on our single newspaper pages when that shrub is around. It's the kind of shrub the Knights who say 'Ne' would reject... even if it had a path! Hows THAT for geek!

Anonymous said...

Maybe he thought that shrub was George Bush. Yuck yuck!