Am I going nuts? Yeah, a little. Not because I’m having major cravings or withdrawal symptoms, I was almost at a pack and a half a day, but because of the way I’m quitting.
I’ve gone back to the Wellbutrin, which not only curbs cravings and takes the edge off, but is also a heavy anti-depressant. What does this mean? Well, my brain has basically split into several different universes. I can’t think straight and feel like I’m slurring when I talk (I’ve been told I don’t slur.) Over all, I feel like I’m high without any of the fun benefits of being high.
Oh, I forgot to mention the dizzy spells. The bottle has a red tag that read, “MAY CAUSE DIZZINESS”. May is not the word to use here. The warning should read something like, “MAY CAUSE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.” Too many big words to fit on a small tag I guess. I’ve been fortunate that I stayed indoors most of yesterday. But I did have one hit as I was driving into the Valley yesterday. Luckily I was on a side road and was able to pull over. But man, it hit fast, hard, and wouldn’t let up. I felt totally out of control in my existence.
The effects seem to be less today than they were yesterday, but I still feel clouds circling my brain. I’ll stay on the stuff for two more days, (the recommended is ten. Fuck that,) then go off it. I know what happens after that.
As the Wellbutrin leaves my system, I will go into an ugly depression for about one to two days. I’m arranging it so it happens over the weekend. I’ll set a schedule to go see movies and work out and basically not be alone. This will keep me from going to my dark places. I’m not saying anything bad will happen, I just might get depressed enough to start smoking again. Ain’t that a bitch! The same thing that’ll get me off could very easily get me back on.
Fingers crossed.
1 comment:
Here's a tip: whenever you get an urge to smoke, drink a bottle of Moxie. Cheaper and more effective than the Luvovico treatment!
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