My weight loss has reached a new high. I’m officially 22 pounds lighter than when I started. It has started to slow up a bit, but I’m hoping that it is because I’m putting on muscle as I continue to drop lbs. I’m thinking positive on this one.
I’ve officially started reaching that ugly stage. See, the way my body loses weight is one part at a time. Weird right? It starts in my face and neck. I go from looking like a cherub to that sexy chiseled features god you admire oh, so much. Just joking, I never look like a cherub.
Now the fun part starts. I first notice weight loss in my right love handle. That side of my body flattens out while I still have the goof roll on the left side. Then it moves across my back and into the left side where it finally balances out and I stop pulling to the left when I walk. In the past I’ve never really gotten past this stage. Somewhere in here I give up and maintain the weight or go on a fast food/doughnut/ice cream eating rampage.
The weight continues to compartmentalize itself and has moved to the top of my stomach. Naturally, I start to get this odd roll around the entire base of my torso. I’ve started to look like I have an inner tube just above my waist. If this were flood season, I’d be grateful, but it’s not, so I wear extremely large shirts. Actually, I’ve always worn big shirts because of my issues with my body. Plus it’s easier to hide stuff when I shoplift. Again, just joking. I don’t shoplift; I use a gun and flat out rob places.
So for the next few weeks, I’m inner tube man. I’m thinking of painting it and hanging out on the beach some day soon. It would look a little odd, since I’m so hairy it would appear the tube was made of fur. As we know, that’d just piss off PETA and all hip-hop artists would have to buy their girlfriends chinchilla inner tubes.
See, I am not only a chisel-faced god, but have a lot of influence in the hip-hop community. I’m the guy who invented the word, Yo. Check it out at Wikipedia. And if it’s not there… add it.
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