Just Sayin'

1.
I’ve been on call all weekend. The call came in early Saturday about some top secret footage coming in and I need to be ready to come in. So it’s Sunday night and I’m still waiting. Never going to see a movie or going out with a friend or those things that I had planned. It’s my own fault. I should have just done it. Not worry about being able to get to work in a couple minutes. Everyone else lies in the valley or O.C., it taking a few extra minutes to trudge across town wouldn’t have been a big deal.

2.
If you’re one of those people that display how much money you make on your MySpace account. Take it down. It makes you look like a total asshole. It’s like sending flowers to your girl at work. It doesn’t show that you care about her; it shows that you are pissing on your territory and you’re more of a collector than a caring human being.


3.
I’m watching Days Of Heaven right now. The new Criterion edition. It’s pretty fucking amazing. The visuals are stunning and I like it a lot more than I remember. This may actually be the first time I’ve ever seen it sober. I wonder how many movies I need to go back and re-watch. How I’ll see them now. I’ve wasted so much time. Bothersome.

4.
Some people need to have as many folks around them as possible. It somehow validates their existence. I’ve never understood why. They can’t just go out with one person, but have to call and pester and get everyone to go out. Maybe they are afraid that they don’t have enough inside them. Maybe they think that they’ll be discovered as a fraud if they spend too much time hanging out with one person. Maybe they’re just scared of being alone.

Keep It Fluffy

This entry is a 3 Musketeers candy bar bitches! This sucker is light and fluffy and keepin’ it simple.

SIDE NOTE:

Have I mentioned I’ve recently grown quite fond of them? I don’t remember eating them as a child, I’m sure I had one or two from Halloweens past, but I don’t remember. So I bought one a few weeks ago and damned if I didn’t think it was one tasty treat. I know, it’s plain and simple and there are no nuts or caramel or fun things in it that make it a real candy bar. Well to that I say, “Fuck you”. They still make the damned thing, so people must eat them. Now I admit they are not as yum-yum as a Charleston Chew (all flavors) but it’s still a fine candy bar.

Plus can you name one other candy bar named after a classic piece of literature? Exactly! The “War and Pieces” niblets never took off and “Nougats from the Underground” was a total disaster. (I dedicate that last one to all you Russian lit. majors out there.)

So good job Mr. Dumas, I may find your writing a little campy, but the candy bar is superb.

END SIDE NOTE. (Yeah it’s a little long for a side note.)

Anyway. I have been trolling e-bay off and on for movie posters to purchase and frame. I’m in a wall hanging mood. Plus I found a place that makes custom size frames on-line. They are well-constructed and inexpensive, thanks for asking.

So I keep running across some seller who prints reproductions. I’m looking for originals, but this place has some nice reprints. Now, every damn poster they sell, they put this picture up next to it.



Honestly, does anyone look at this and say, “Holy shit, it’s like the poster has come to life in my very own home!” I’m hoping it’s a bit of a laugh on the sellers behalf, but there is that part of me that thinks the guy is serious.

Some miniature glasses and black turtle neck wearing guy named Gunter, really wants me to feel what it would be like to have this poster hanging up in my futuristic plastic Ikea house.

And just in case I am a total idiot, I am told that the poster may not look the same in my dwelling and I don’t get any of that cool furniture with the 9.99 I’m spending on the poster!

This of course brings up the dilemma of the night. If I want the poster, should I go out and buy the furniture to guarantee that it will display properly in my shitty apartment?

Of course I do! Don’t I do everything an e-bay seller tells me! How else am I going to live unless other people tell me how too?

So the silver paint, couch, chair, rug, and a wicked lamp (my addition) that has fiber optic dingle-berries hanging off it will cost me approximately $3,458.96. That is without labor for painters, delivery charges or the cost of the poster itself, which I will no longer be able to afford.

Now for the same price I can get 4804 Three Musketeer bars.

The choice is clear. Dumas, you magnificent bastard!

Untitled

So I had my first therapy session on Tuesday. It was good, really good. I think I’ve got a good therapist. He’s very active and the discussion is about seeing where I lack strengths where I want strengths and will start to figure out how to make progress. My issues with social behavior, my relationship issues, these are being addressed with a very adventurous manner. So far, so good.

I’ve of course come to some conclusions on my own and even have little moments that remind me of what it is I’m looking for. I realized today that one of the things I miss most about Shea was the back and forth when it came to my stories. We’d sit over dinner and I’d express my ideas. She’d ask questions, throw walls up that I had to figure out how to get around. It would be a fun and creative time and I feel, I can’t speak for her, that they were fun. The idea of pulling words from the ether that would be the building blocks for images was a really great time. It’s something I want to find again. it's something that I cherish and something that I cherished in our relationship. It's not always a bad thing to have good memories of the past. (There is a wink there.)

Rudderless?

All right, so I’m feeling more rested. I’ve got a therapist who’s going to help me work on any issues I may have.

So, first issue: What the hell am I doing with my life?

I know what I want to do, make movies. So how do I go about it? First I need to write a script. I have no ideas and haven’t had the energy to just start free writing to see what happens.

I’d like to work more on the Film Geek Primer, but I just don’t seem to have the energy to do much on that either. I think it’s because I’m not sure where it’s going, if anywhere, and I don’t want to waste anymore time on things that aren’t going to move me forward. I know, I know, how do I know what it will get me? Well, we don’t have much of an audience and I don’t think we can get any bigger than where we are right now. It’s all a little frustrating. Not sure what to do about that.

The girl I’m interested in and who seems to be the one person who views the world the same way I do is in a relationship with another guy. It’s not going to last, but that doesn’t mean it won’t drag on forever either. She is interested in me and has said so many times. I should just let things run their course. It’s a pain in the ass because I have no control over it, like I have control over anything, and like that Buddhist thing goes, desire leads to suffering. I’m not, “Oh, woe is me” suffering, just frustrated and can’t let it go.

So I have no direction, I’m getting older by the minute and really don’t know what to do about any of it.

I understand that a large portion of society just exists and finds that one thing to work for, like family or money or fame, I’m just not into that. Maybe I should be. Money is nice because it takes certain stresses off, like being able to pay bills and eat, but with the left over all you can really do is buy things. I don’t want things. It’s a nice idea to want things in fantasy, but it just causes clutter and added responsibility that I don’t really want.

And fame? Seriously? I’m in a job that shows nothing but the downside of media popularity, so pardon me if I don’t go in that direction. Hell, even at work I see nothing but fellow employees jumping at a chance to be seen in the background of shots. Really? Does that qualify your existence in some way, shape, or form?

Finally there is family. I don’t have one, so it’s hard to work to keep that part of my life happy. I’m not saying I don’t want one, it’s just not in my life right now and it still scares me a little. I’ve hurt enough people in this lifetime. Do I really want to set it up so I can just fuck up more individuals? Will I? It’s something to work on in therapy.



I’m guessing (hoping) that my batteries are still charging and someday soon the projects and ideas will start flooding back into my brain. We’ll see.

Right now I’m Gene Hackman at the End of “Night Moves”. Shot in the gut on a boat in the middle of the ocean that is just spinning around in circles. I’m still alive and will survive, just feeling a little seasick.

Upswing And Voice Lessons

As always, the pendulum continues to swing. I was feeling at my lowest on Thursday, but after a few more days of rest and just bumming around, I’m feeling better. Actually, I was feeling better after goofing around on Thursday for a bit. I went to I-Hop for a burger and deep fried cheesecake. Nothing like junk food to make you feel better emotionally, if not worse physically.

In honor of my three years clean and sober I ordered some poster frames for my collectables. Soon I’ll be able to be a cool geek with some design flare. I originally wanted to throw my business at a local guy, but he was going to charge me 99 buck a frame. I found the exact same style and deal online for 54 bucks each. Ah the internet, helping to destroy brick and mortar one brink at a time.

Anyway, I was having a conversation with myself when I wondered if I was possessed. I realized that there were two very distinct voices in my head. I’m pretty sure they have always been there, so I decided to engage the voice that I felt was the one I had less control over. Maybe this is standard in everyone, the opposing side wanting to be heard and understood. Instead of thinking about how it should answer, I just let it answer. Let it run wild and say what it wanted to say. So I asked it questions.

I am Jack's inner voice:

Me: So what do you want?

Voice: I want to be heard.

Me: How.

Voice: Write.

Me: What if you’re no good at it?

Voice: Does it really matter?

Me: Not really as long as I’m writing.

Voice: Exactly.

Me: What about the Primer?

Voice: Not enough.

Me: So what will you write?

Voice: Just be open to it when it comes.

Me: Are you a demon?

Voice: Stop acting stupid.

Me: Right, got it.

And I stopped. It went away fro now. It’ll start screaming at me at some point and I need to start listening when it does. Perhaps it’s that part of me that needs to exist to make me whole. Maybe I’m just being an idiot. Maybe… I dunno.

Santo Year 3

September 27th = 3 years clean and sober.

Uh, hooray?

Sure why not. Honestly, I don’t really care. I want to care, I want to think I’ve accomplished something but honestly, with everything out there to reach for and achieve this is small potatoes.

Anyone can throw it all away and pull himself or herself back together. That’s what all the storybooks tell us. So this is nothing spectacular, noting original, nothing worth gabbing about, so let’s move on shall we.

I’m in the middle of a five day weekend. I was forced to take a break. I didn’t want to. I want it made clear that I wasn’t suspended, I was told to take a few days off because I’ve been overworked and need the rest.

All of it happened when I tried t find out about seeking therapy. I thought things like this were supposed to be kept confident. I thought that discussing an employee who asks about seeking help is not to be shared. As a matter of fact I believe it’s illegal. Oh, right it is! Mutha Fucka, I been screwed!

So I asked about EAP to find out about seeing a therapist. I’m tired, burned out and feeling angry, so I figured talking to a licensed professional about it would come in handy. Not a bad idea, right. So I’m asking to get a phone number and within ten minutes I’m being pulled into an office by the head honcho and I’m being asked about what’s going on.

I get it they’re being concerned. They’re being kind and caring and want to help. But it’s not their fucking problem. All I wanted was a phone number. It’s not that tough.

So I’m told to take the rest of the week off and do what I need to do to take care of myself. Now I’m bored shitless and trying to figure out what to do. I don’t want to veg, but that seems to be all I can do right now.

I don’t want to spend money, but there is very little to do in this town if you don’t’.

Blah, Blah, blah….

I'm not even checking the spelling or grammar on this crap. Oh wait, do I ever?

55 Days Beat That

Well, I finished out working 55 hours straight at work. Pretty crazy. A record I wouldn’t recommend trying to beat. It’s not worth it.

I slept 12 hours Friday night and have been napping on and off for the past two days. My body has started to relax, so now all my muscles are sore as hell. I’ve been popping zinc and Echinacea to make sure I don’t catch a cold from the shift in schedule.

Now that I’ve had a bit of free time I have remembered why I worked so much in the first place, other than the fact work needed to be done.

Time off means I need to spend time with myself. I get all introspective and start looking at where I am in life and why I’m not further along... Oh, right, drunk and junkie loser. Now I remember.

I’ve also been thinking about the relationships I’ve fucked up and the ones I still have.

If someone says to you, “I don’t see us together right now.” Write it off. It means if they can’t find someone that fits the bill, you are on the back up list. I should know this, but keep fighting for the losing side. It’s silly I can’t read between lines properly. I just want to be talked to at face value. Hurt my feelings, trust me I’ll hurt yours at some point. I know nobody wants to hurt anyone, but it’s kind of selfish to try and spare feelings. Rip the fucking tape off, don’t pull it slowly, it’s simple fucking logic.

However hurt I was when Shea dumped me, at least she dumped me. The foolish part was me thinking I could try to maintain a friendship. I’m not built that way. I can’t accept things too soon. I need time to prove I’m worth something to myself. My greatest flaw? A lack of self-esteem. I know everyone has levels of it, I just don’t like the way I handle it.

Go this is just a bunch of self-pity bullshit. I’m better than this.

Success

It's official. I have been promoted and given a raise.

That's good news.

I've now worked 52 straight days and ended up pulling 32 hours over the weekend because of a certain former football player deciding to steal some trading cards and getting arrested again.

That's bad news.

It's a crazy world and I'm just plowing through it right now.

More soon.

Right now...bedtime.

Understanding

How does a person learn to understand something? I, of course, can’t say all people come to understand something the same way, but I have my own theory as to how I learn.

I have to go through it. Touch it, see it, and make it a tangible item so the concept becomes clear.

For years I would write in journals about how I knew I was an alcoholic and drug addict. It didn’t help me overcome it, because they were just words. I could hear stories and watch films about it, but could never relate it to who I was or why I was so deep into it.

Then my life began to disintegrate around me and my problem became a physical manifestation around me. I moved through it. I felt the physical pain of detoxing, the humiliation of bankruptcy, the loss of another relationship. I physically witnessed what my life had become and what I was doing to myself and to others.

It was real and not words on paper. There was no longer any escape into dreams or delusions.

My most recent trouble that cost me a friendship was because I had to understand. I could theorize and fantasize about the "if" and "why", but I had to see for myself. What made the situation what it was? What were the physicality’s that placed me in my position?

Now I know. Perhaps the price was a little high, but I learned what was what.



It’s funny, walking home after the disintegration the other night, I had the bell go off in my head as to how the whole thing could have been avoided. I could have asked permission. I might have been told no, but I could have asked and explained why it was so important for me.

Then again, I probably didn’t understand why I was doing it in the first place until I had done it and gotten in trouble. This is another part of my character that bothers me at times. I have my hidden logic and I can’t explain it until it’s over and the shit has hit the fan.

I have to learn by doing, it’s part of my make up. If I can accept this, if I can find a way to explain it to others in any given situation, perhaps I can avoid causing pain.

Maybe.

4:45 A.M.

Still awake. Not even tired. My brain just keeps pouring through the details of my misdeeds and won’t stop.

It runs through alternate versions, what I should have done, what I could have done. All of it worthless and means nothing.

Talked to Stef about my inclination for retardation. She says I’m just a person who makes mistakes (everyone does quite a bit) and if the friendship is real, it’ll make it through this bump. She also says I’m not a loser, which is nice to hear but can’t really get past the hard shell of loser that is covering my brain right now. She’s a really good and sweet person.

The toughest part (it always is) is not self-imploding and lose my job or anything else right now because I can’t stop feeling like an idiot.

I have this self-fulfilling prophecy thing where I blast everything apart to help me prove that I am a reject of a human being.

I’m just rambling now.

Did I mention “Permanent Wednesday”? It’s the new catch phrase for me it seems.

When employed, a person usually gets the weekend off. This is something I’m told, I’ve yet to see any proof. So when you start on Monday, it may be crappy because it’s the beginning of the week, but you’ve just had the weekend to relax.

Wednesday, for people keeping track, is in the middle of the week. You’ve worked a couple days; you have a couple more to go. I’m stuck in Wednesday. The weekend happened sometime in the past and will happen some day in the future, I just don’t know when for sure. Hence: Permanent Wednesday.

It’s a catchy little phrase and also plays a little off of Jerry Stahl’s, “Permanent Midnight.” I’m using it as the title for my non-existent autobiography until I can find a new one.

I’m not writing an autobiography. That would seem a little pathetic, self indulgent, ridiculous. I am working on a one-man show though. Just kidding.

Thoughts Of Drinking

So I screwed up again and have lost a friend who meant a lot to me.

A lot.

Someone I enjoyed spending time with and made me feel good about myself and that life really has some great moments. Lots of laughs, lots of good times, lots of just feeling alive. Very few people can make me feel that way.

But I screwed it up.

So for the first time in a long time, I feel like going out and getting plastered. I’m not going to, that would only prove that everything I am thinking about myself at this moment is right and that I am a useless piece of garbage. That would just be a giant step back and one I might not recover from. So I’m not going to go out and buy a bottle.

The hardest part is not knowing how angry they are with me. How much they hate me.

I just want to make things right and I know that it is impossible right now and I feel helpless. It’s that feeling of helplessness that is the scariest.

I get it. I don’t have any control over anything accept my actions and it’s losing control of my actions that gets me into trouble.

I want to be able to set it aside and get a good night sleep. That ain’t gonna happen folks. I’m not wired that way. I need to suffer in my thought apparently. Some form of penance that I have in my mind so I can continue to punish myself way beyond any normal level of punishment. It’s probably some part of the catholic upbringing. I can’t be certain. Maybe it’s the way I was raised.

If there was something I could do, anything at this moment to make up for it, I would. But, nope.

I’m hoping I can learn from this mistake because I just can’t seem to get certain things through my head.

It’s so hard for me to trust, it’s so hard for me to trust and have faith that everything has its purpose and even if I don’t understand it today, someday I will.

I hate hurting people, and that’s what I did.

I’m really sorry.

Just A Jerk

I do a lot of things that I don’t like.

I do things out of a necessity to understand and it gets me in trouble.

I do things that hurt and scare other people.

I do things that remind me that I have a lot of growing up to do.

I do things that are selfish.

I do a lot of things that remind me that I’m a loser.

I do things that mean nothing.

I do things and I deserve to be hated.

I do things and I deserve to be loathed.

I do things that prove I am not a nice person.

I do things to help myself understand and it is always at a cost.

I do things that I simply shouldn’t.

I need to start doing things right and I just don’t know if I can.
I do a lot of things that I don’t like.

I do things out of a necessity to understand and it gets me in trouble.

I do things that hurt and scare other people.

I do things that remind me that I have a lot of growing up to do.

I do things that are selfish.

I do a lot of things that remind me that I’m a loser.

I do things that mean nothing.

I do things and I deserve to be hated.

I do things and I deserve to be loathed.

I do things that prove I am not a nice person.

I do things that I simply shouldn’t.

I do things to prove I don't deserve anything.

I do things that simply prove I'm a jerk and a crappy human being.

They were all right.

One Brief Glimpse

I ordered a late lunch from Bassa Nova and was walking down to pick it up. The route I take are through some back alleys and they are just that, alleys. Discarded furniture, a sleeping homeless person, dumpsters proclaiming, “Ziva is a fag”. The surrounding apartments run about four to five stories up. It’s an alley.

So I’ walking down and I catch the sound of a violin. It’s live, you can tell the difference. The lone instrument is cleanly playing Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. I think it’s Autumn. maybe Spring, I always forget which is which.



I was really struck for a moment and stopped to listen. In the middle of all this concrete, trash and broken glass came this beautiful piece of music. I’d say it would be akin to finding a flower growing through the pavement.

Just a really nice moment.

Just Tired

I’m beat. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, just out of it.

I’m having dreams where I think people are going out of town and find out they're not. Ask questions that I’ve already asked and not asking questions thinking I’ve already gotten the answers. I think I’ve even had a brief hallucination or two.

Just strange shit.

I’m looking at my calendar and seeing I haven’t had a day off of work in 29 days and it’s looking more and more that I wont for two to three more weeks. Not good.

I’m in the middle of training a new weekend editor, he’s doing fine, but all I want to do is just edit everything so I can go home. I contain myself, knowing it's better in the long run.

The latest I’ve been able to sleep in is 6:00 and most of the days I’m up between 4:30 and 5:00. It’s grueling and at the end of it, not very satisfying.

I’m glad I have Aaron with me at work. The humor keeps me going most of the time. If it weren’t there I’d have probably jumped out a window by now. If my office had a window, that is.

I’m way behind in getting a new episode of FGP out. I just shot my part for an episode that we shot two weeks ago. It may have only been one week; time is one giant blob right now.

I come home from work and nap for about an hour, which keeps me from falling asleep when I should.

I’m waking up almost every hour on the hour at night; I check my email to see if anyone has written. It’s funny how no one writes me at three in the morning. I wonder why that is? Oh, right, they’re fucking asleep.



There is a light at the end of this tunnel. I know I’m moving through it and I know it’s there, I’m just not seeing it yet. It’ll happen.

There is that part of me that wishes I had a girlfriend, so I could fall asleep in her lap. That comfort and warmth of another caring human being watching over me feels necessary right now. But I’m in no place for that and I couldn’t return any of the caring and compassion that I want to give.

Though at this point I’d settle for a good lay, sleeping in late and a nice breakfast at a decent greasy spoon.


(side note: As I was attempting to upload this picture, I kept looking at the screen wondering why it wasn't uploading. It took me a minute to realize I didn't push the upload button. I'm a fucktard.)

Step Up Stupid Fucker

The latest words of inspiration that adorns the office wall is from an employee who recently moved to San Francisco to pursue a better life and family. The words are simple and to the point.

STUPID FUCKERS!

Heartfelt and honest, that’s how I feel about them.

I’ve been hoisted with a lot more responsibility over the past month and a half than I signed up for. I wasn’t sure what to do about it. Then I realized I didn’t mind the responsibility as much as I minded the pay that went with the responsibility. Other people are doing much less and getting paid much more.

I am not a proactive person and have never felt that I was worth much. I’ve never spoken up or asked for any kind of title change or pay increase. I discussed the possibility with some friends who were very honest and kind with their advice. It boiled down to, “Ask for more money, stupid fucker.”

I approached a couple of supervisors and asked if I could possibly get a title change and raise since I’d accepted so much more. “Of, course.” was the response. “Just write down a title and what you think your salary should be and we’ll take it to the boss.

So I wrote up a few titles, including a couple of joke titles so they’d see I was not being overly serious about this. God forbid they think I really do believe in myself. I then went an extra mile and wrote down all of the things I had been made responsible for and how, given the title change and raise, I could help make the department more efficient and organized.

I presented the letter and my supervisor thought that it was more than fair. (This makes me think I should have asked for more, but I know I can stand firm on what I’ve asked.) She said everything looked great and if it was up to her, there would be no problems. She’s taking it to the big boss people and will stand behind it, which is good.

Now all I have to do is wait and see what the response it.

And in all honesty, I’m worth every penny to them. They are getting a good deal and they’ll know it. If they don’t, time for me to start an exit strategy, or tuck tail between my legs and do as master says.

Videodrome

I haven't shown off any videos for a while, so here are a couple that have crossed my path.

First up a little tribute to everyones favorite intergalactic homosexual, Mr. Sulu.



Now this next one is lonh, but you've got to watch the entire thing it's just great animal nuttiness at it's finest. It features, Lions, Water Buffalo and Crocodile. Plus some human narration that gives new meaning to the words, "No shit,really?"



Hope you enjoyed them. Now go shake that buldge and stay away from the Buffalo.

Lesson Not Learned

This is really more about something I know about myself, but still have not totally grasped how to conquer.

I can be mean. I can be harsh. I can make a snap judgment, knee-jerk reaction that does not always play to the side of good.

This is a defense maneuver that I have always used to defend myself. Someone makes a comment about me that hurts my feelings in some way, I snap back with some snarky comment that can cut to the quick and be quite cruel.

It’s not something that I like about myself. But I know it is something that is a part of me and I must work on it.



I grew up being insulted. I never defended myself. I let myself believe that they were right and that I was useless. I got older and when I finally decided to stand up when I was attacked, I over shot it. There is probably that nurtured part of me that is actually lashing out at all those things that happened as a kid and I take it out on whoever is picking on me.

I used to be worse. I’d attack and hold onto anger and refuse to believe that my defense mechanism was wrong. That it was all right to be mean and cruel.

At least now-a-days I grasp quickly that I make the mistake and try to apologize for it as quickly as possible. Some people have been kind and open enough to understand and some haven’t. That’s the way life works.

So I must practice listening and hearing what I am really being told. I need to see what and why the other person is saying what they are saying. Maybe it’s an accident; maybe it’s just a bad day for them. Maybe they make some valid points but are just not that great at articulating them. Perhaps they don’t even know the work articulate.

I just had a flash of the third step prayer in AA. Not being a fan of religion, I’d rather look at it as some solid words of advice to pay attention to and practice.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Apply that to when I feel I am being attacked and I’ve got a solid foundation.

I’d really like other advice anyone can offer, so please don’t be shy. Let me know how you handle situations where you feel that someone is attacking you. I mean that in the verbal attack sense. We can discuss what happens when being attacked by a guy with a sword at some later date.

Thanks.

Long Time

My apologies to the three people that read this site. It’s been a while and it’s been a crazy time.

I’m now the web editor for my job. That’s pretty cool. I blur out boobs and bleep out swear words. Some of my work has been seen on The Today Show and news programs across the country. If you’ve ever wondered who the poor schmuck is who bleeps stuff. It’s me. But it’s a fun job. Fast paced. Quick turn around times. Immediate deadlines. Crazy stuff.

I also have to be at work at 5 am. Yikes! Luckily the new office is just down the street. I think I’ve mentioned that before, but I like to repeat some of the good points.

FGP will be back in a couple of weeks. So you can look forward to that.

I’m enjoying life, having a good time and working towards goals. It’s quite fun.

And I’ll keep saying that until I have to be up at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow.

Some Editing Required

So, I forgot to mention that I ended up getting the editing gig.

I stayed up all night so I could sleep during the day before going to spend an entire night at the Hilton home awaiting Paris’ return. I hit the sack at five and I got a call at seven.

Quick transcription:

Them: John, you didn’t say you were going to be editing.

ME: I didn’t know I was editing. I thought the phone call was telling me what I was going to be doing.

Them: Oh. Well, we need you to edit , so can you come in right now?

ME: Yeah, I’m on my way.

No shower just threw on jeans, a layer of deodorant and headed in. It was good. I spent a couple of days being trained and was thrown into the fire. Apparently I passed with flying colors. I just finished my second week editing yesterday. Susan came in all smiles and said they loved me. She was getting major kudos for hiring me.

I’m glad I could help make her happy. I felt I was letting her down before, but this is a pleasant surprise. I was also complimented by Someone who said she doesn’t give out compliments easily. Since I don’t accept compliments easily, I said I was very thankful for the kind words.

So that’s pretty damned cool.

As far as Film Geek Primer goes, we’re on a bit of a hiatus. Aaron is in the middle of a barrage of weddings this month and I’m getting used to the new job. So it’s best to take a break. I’m still debating if I want to keep going, but I figure after a couple weeks, I’ll be chomping at the bit to get back into it. I’ll takes some time and write some scripts and see if we can start producing some better shows. When I say better, I mean in the direction of the Russ Meyer Episode or Bogart episode and not as many talking heads. We’ll see.

While we’re on hiatus, I’ve started a new blog with my Santo character (where do I end and my character begins?). It’s called Being Brangalito and it’s the adventures of Santo as Brangalina’s nanny. It’s cute and will wrap back into FGP when we start back up.

Busy, busy, busy and I’m making progress in all sorts of areas. Just keep learning and moving forward. That’s how I’m defining my life at this point in time.

Edward Yang R.I.P.

As everyone spreads word about the death of Joel Siegel, I’d like to point out the death of a filmmaker that is getting little notice.

His name is Edward Yang and he passed away from colon cancer on Friday.



I have only seen one “Yi Yi” and it is an extraordinary film.

It is very simple and deals with members of a family asking themselves about the meaning of life. There is something of a plotline, but it is rally more of a character driven story that is subtle in its movements and grand in its quest to analyze the soul.

It runs three hours and feels like an hour and a half. I discovered it back in 2001 after reading a few good reviews. The running time made me feel a little iffy, but I’m glad I took the time out to watch it.

Criterion has recently released it on DVD. Give it a shot, you wont be disappointed.

Sometimes all it takes is one film for a filmmaker to grace your life and make you feel the loss when they pass on. Edward Yang definitely would fit into that category fro me.

I send out my sincerest condolences to his friends and family.